Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi all,
A little bit worried about posting on here as I’ve not yet been diagnosed but have had a growing suspicion that I have adult autism, I’ll list some of my reasons down below and you can let me know if you think it would be worth approaching my GP or not. I am not overly keen on getting another label but if I am diagnosed with autism, it would be great to have an explanation to some of my behaviours that look to me, to be very similar to that of other autistic people.
Anyway my question to you is:
Do you ever become obsessed with people and does this effect your love life or how you veiw relationships? (If so, in what ways? And I'd also be curious to find out what things you do to manage those obsessive thoughts to prevent them from effecting your day-to-day?)
A bit of context:
I'm 27/F and have just gotten my first boyfriend. It seems to be a reoccurring trend with me to latch on to one particular person and obsess over them to the point it consumes my life. This happened twice before, both when I was in high-school and tbh without this obsession I don’t really feel much attraction to people beyond the platonic.
By ‘consumes my life’ I mean that I will not only spend most of the day staring into space thinking and worrying about a particular person, I’m also spending a lot of time researching and consuming media about love and relationships as well as worrying about my own relationship. It has been effecting my work, as I cannot find interest in doing much else with my time.
Usually I have put this down to just being a hopeless romantic and anxiety issues but since investigating, the possibility of having autism I’ve only just realised the two might be linked. Especially since I have demonstrated obsessive behaviour in the past; mostly regarding hobbies like science, TV shows and books. I’m worried that as an adult, people, love and sex are just a new obsession and not being sure if this is a mental health issue or a normal autistic behaviour which makes seeking help difficult.
Sorry if this post is misplaced, but would welcome any input on this issue.
A bit of background on me,
27/F I'm not yet diagnosed but have had a growing suspicion that I may have undiagnosed adult autism.
- Struggled with social anxiety and making friends most of my life, have always felt out of place.
- have experienced OCD, anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts
- Used to engaging in stem like behaviour when younger (10-14yrs old) in the form of biting my clothes when stressed , but stopped as it was socially unacceptiable- this transfered into less noticeable stems like counting and tapping my forehead which I may have confused with OCD.
- Aversion to certain stimulus such as the colour red, I don’t eat red food and avoid/ stay far away from red things as possible. Also, loud noises make me irritable and tend to avoid things I consider uncomfortable to look at. For example, not sitting in a chair with scuff marks on it, I was very particular about chairs in high school and became very upset if someone took my chair particular chair and would search the class room to find it again- this did not make me popular.
-I feel as though I was far more obsessive about things when I was a child than now but was obsessed with TV shows, could recite whole movies of by heart. Also loved science – but this was encouraged so never saw it as an issue and I’m now a physics graduate.
There are other small things but these have had the greatest effect on my life.
Hi RT92
Obsessed with a boyfriend? Yes, definitely! Met my husband when I was still a teenager and became totally obsessed. Got us bracelets with each other's names on. Could hardly think about anything else. Daydreamed about getting married & living together. Luckily he was also obsessed with me, always buying me gifts, writing notes to me, etc. We have now been together over 40 years. The obsession does get replaced with other obsessions eventually, but we are still very close. We can criticise each other, but nobody else can!
As to you wondering about being autistic, this website has the besr, most complete description of the female autism profile I have seen:
https://the-art-of-autism.com/females-and-aspergers-a-checklist/
"Escapes regularly through fixations, obsessions or over-interest in subjects" - check
"Escapes routinely through fantasy, imagination or daydreaming" - check
Obsessions are what makes life vivid and interesting. Learning every breed of cat and dog. Practising a musical instrument. Collecting and arranging costume dolls, seashells, model horses. Playing video games. Researching natural history, diet and nutrition, autism. And of course escaping into the fantasy genre of books and movies, and being able to recall much which amuses us - the poems from Alice through the looking glass, or certain movie lines - "When someone asks 'Are you a god?' You say, 'YES'!" (Ghostbusters)
I learnt every breed of dog as a child! Did you do that too? I also read the encyclopedia of cat breeds a lot, but dogs have always been my main special interest
I've never found anyone who's memorised the breeds like I did I remember learning about white cats being prone to deafness too - Dalmatians are also quite prone to deafness, which is really interesting. I loved horses too. It sounds like we have very similar interests Dogs are my favourite animal now, but I love all animals. I can't have a pet either, as my landlord doesn't allow it. I was brought up around animals and I still haven't adjusted to not having any around.
Hi Duckbread, yes I did learn every breed of dog, and later became interested in cats too, and learned their breeds plus a bit about genetic inheritance such as sex-linked genes (ginger cats usually male and ones with tortie markings (ginger & black) usually female, plus if I remember correctly, the gene for white colouring with blue eyes often causes deafness. Dogs and horses were my special interest as a child, with playing guitar added in after age 11. I came to love cats as a young adult and they're still my favourite animal now, even though I don't have pets any more.