Intro and Qs about managing obbsessive thoughts.

I think I have obsessive behaviours which I woukd say are internalised. Identifying with ASC has reframed how I see myself in terms of obsessive thoughts. I don't think it's OCD, just obsessive thoughts.  I do have anxiety but often the obsessive thoughts are not anxiety driven. I have obsessive thoughts about a particular person. It's confusing as I don't know how much of it is that I fancy them or how much is latching on to thoughts about this person. So it is confusing. However this is a pattern I have now recognised which has happened several times before in my life. I no longer see this person as they work at a different centre now. I haven't seen them for over 6 months yet I still think about them in an obsessive way. I don't know if this is "normal behaviour" or not.

I've never found anyone who's memorised the breeds like I did I remember learning about white cats being prone to deafness too - Dalmatians are also quite prone to deafness, which is really interesting. I loved horses too. It sounds like we have very similar interests Dogs are my favourite animal now, but I love all animals. I can't have a pet either, as my landlord doesn't allow it. I was brought up around animals and I still haven't adjusted to not having any around.

Hi RT92 

I can become obsessed with boyfriends, so much so that it eventually drives them away as my personality changes so much to when they first meet me. I have now come to the realisation that it's not good for my mental health to be involved with anyone on a intimate or emotional basis. This leads me to often get asked if I'm lonely and the honest answer I give people is that i'm happier within myself when I'm by myself.

I too like you struggle with social anxiety and making an keeping friends and have always felt out of place.     

Hi Duckbread, yes I did learn every breed of dog, and later became interested in cats too, and learned their breeds plus a bit about genetic inheritance such as sex-linked genes (ginger cats usually male and ones with tortie markings (ginger & black) usually female, plus if I remember correctly, the gene for white colouring with blue eyes often causes deafness. Dogs and horses were my special interest as a child, with playing guitar added in after age 11. I came to love cats as a young adult and they're still my favourite animal now, even though I don't have pets any more.

I learnt every breed of dog as a child! Did you do that too? I also read the encyclopedia of cat breeds a lot, but dogs have always been my main special interest

Hi. I'm not diagnosed yet either, but there's no need to worry about posting here - everyone's been very welcoming.

A lot of what you're saying is stuff that I've experienced myself, and there are a lot of things that could be autistic traits.  

I also went through a phase of being obsessed with people. At first, it was usually celebrities or characters from film/TV, but there was a point when I became obsessed with a person (who had no interest in me). It was really difficult and it felt like this person was all I could think about, but it did fade over time and I don't feel that way anymore. I'm now in a very healthy, happy relationship, so it is possible to have positive relationships without the feeling of obsession - I think it's just a case of finding the right person. 

I also have special interests and do a lot of stimming (but learnt to hide stims in public), and I suffer with OCD, anxiety and depression too. 

I thought long and hard about whether to pursue a formal diagnosis. In the end, I decided that I wanted to take better care of myself and my mental health, so anything I could do to learn more about myself seemed like a positive step. My GP wasn't very helpful, so I self-referred to the local NHS mental health service (for my anxiety, depression and OCD) and discussed autism with the mental health nurse who assessed me. I explained how I felt my autism was linked to my mental health issues (e.g. I experience things like sensory overload more intensely when I'm stressed, and my natural aversion to change means I'm generally quite an anxious person). I also gave examples of why I thought I'm probably autistic. He helped me build a case and referred me that day, so I'm on the waiting list for an assessment.

I hope you're able to get the answers you're looking for.

It’s genuinely true - never be ashamed of who you are :)

"Obsessions are what makes life vivid and interesting"  -totally agree with this! I often find my self down playing my excitment in front of people because I can got OTT on a topic I really enjoy but then I think ...where's the fun in that?  :D

(Great website- found so much that resonated in me)

Thanks for your insight! And yes, what you and Anthony have said about the certain behaviours framing your personality and embracing them, rather than viewing them as issue is very reassuring and a better perspective. :)

Hi RT92

Obsessed with a boyfriend? Yes, definitely! Met my husband when I was still a teenager and became totally obsessed. Got us bracelets with each other's names on. Could hardly think about anything else. Daydreamed about getting married & living together. Luckily he was also obsessed with me, always buying me gifts, writing notes to me, etc. We have now been together over 40 years. The obsession does get replaced with other obsessions eventually, but we are still very close. We can criticise each other, but nobody else can!

As to you wondering about being autistic, this website has the besr, most complete description of the female autism profile I have seen:

https://the-art-of-autism.com/females-and-aspergers-a-checklist/

 "Escapes regularly through fixations, obsessions or over-interest in subjects" - check

 "Escapes routinely through fantasy, imagination or daydreaming" - check

Obsessions are what makes life vivid and interesting. Learning every breed of cat and dog. Practising a musical instrument. Collecting and arranging costume dolls, seashells, model horses. Playing video games. Researching natural history, diet and nutrition, autism. And of course escaping into the fantasy genre of books and movies, and being able to recall much which amuses us  - the poems from Alice through the looking glass, or certain movie lines - "When someone asks 'Are you a god?' You say, 'YES'!" (Ghostbusters)

It's all about getting to know yourself and how you function so that you may achieve your best now and minimise regrets in future.

Some employers target obsessive autistic people - particularly IT . But social , media and marketing not so easy.

I found I could focus well n science and remained committed long after my colleagues had given up.

And relationships - it was always my partner that left me- Never managed many relationships.

Sport - able to train loads and achieve high standards.

Try to list the positives, not the negatives as the negatives have a habit of being very difficult to minimise. Negativity bias is very real. Gratitude and forgiveness is a wonderful help

Psychologists will tell you all about this but you can research it yourself.

Meditation with ego strengthening is wonderfully helpful

Hi , your background is very similar to my own. OCD, mental health issues such as anxiety and depression which eventually in my case led to a breakdown were the result of not receiving the right support and spending all my life masking and not knowing how to fit into the world. 
Relationships are always a challenge as I am incredibly intense, mainly because I don’t really understand relationships and also I’m obsessive with everything. I met my husband when I was 35 and he accepts my personality as who I am. He doesn’t have ASD but has a lot of his own hobbies so we seem to flow well together.
I was diagnosed  in March and am 49. 

it may be helpful to speak to your GP with all you have mentioned as they can then refer you for either diagnosis or support for mental health issues. I personally don’t think of anything as labelling something. I see it as as a positive action and a means of being signposted to the right support with those who are specialists in their field. 

I have found that from diagnosis I have embraced my behaviours as quality’s that make me who I am. It is so important to accept and recognise ASD as who we are rather than something we get. 

You mentioned about obsessive thoughts. I have found crafts helpful to channel these thoughts into. 

It’s quite possible that it’s ASD, though I’m not sure where the line between a trait of autism and a learned behaviour exists so it’s very hard sometimes to work out what specifically is a trait. As hard as it may be, try not to over think it and see if you can find a way to integrate behaviours into your lifestyle - they firm your personality and you are who you are so own the traits and behaviours, work with them not against them and you’ll be fine.