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Diagnosed at 35, relationship problems

NAS62914

So I have never been in a close romantic relationship because I have never desired it. 
I like having coffee and talking to acquaintances/friends but that’s all I need.

in saying to myself that I should have a partner and children but  I have no motivation to look for a partner and I don’t know if I would enjoy a family 24/7. even though when I look at friends I like the idea of a family unit.

Is my lack of desire to have a partner and to remain single an autistic trait? I’m a woman by the way. 

Parents

  • Hi,  I also think it's common to feel confused about close romantic relationships.  My thoughts about your mixed feelings are possibly as follows: 

    • The idea of "belonging" to a family and go through life as "us" instead of "me" seems safe and comforting.
    • Family units and especially parenthood, appear to be so rewarding, one always wonders what they are missing out if they don't experience it
    • For an autistic person , close relationships can feel "suffocating" because you need time alone.
    • Sensory issues can deter the physical side of the relationship
    • Many autistic people get divorced due to long term depression or friction with neurotypical personalities 

    In addition to that, it can be difficult to form romantic relationships in the first place due to typical social cues relying on eye contact and tone of voice.

    There are many people who are happy to have long distance relationships, living apart but spending time together, particularly older people. One of my neighbours spends a lot of weekends with a woman, then they spend the weekdays apart. I found out recently that they are married.  The good thing is that  as you get older you stop worrying what other people think. 

    For yourself, it's maybe a matter of considering where "should have a partner and children " comes from. Could be peer pressure, family pressure, societal expectations, biological clock issues , or could genuinely be that you feel deep down that you're missing out on living life to the full. 

Reply

  • Hi,  I also think it's common to feel confused about close romantic relationships.  My thoughts about your mixed feelings are possibly as follows: 

    • The idea of "belonging" to a family and go through life as "us" instead of "me" seems safe and comforting.
    • Family units and especially parenthood, appear to be so rewarding, one always wonders what they are missing out if they don't experience it
    • For an autistic person , close relationships can feel "suffocating" because you need time alone.
    • Sensory issues can deter the physical side of the relationship
    • Many autistic people get divorced due to long term depression or friction with neurotypical personalities 

    In addition to that, it can be difficult to form romantic relationships in the first place due to typical social cues relying on eye contact and tone of voice.

    There are many people who are happy to have long distance relationships, living apart but spending time together, particularly older people. One of my neighbours spends a lot of weekends with a woman, then they spend the weekdays apart. I found out recently that they are married.  The good thing is that  as you get older you stop worrying what other people think. 

    For yourself, it's maybe a matter of considering where "should have a partner and children " comes from. Could be peer pressure, family pressure, societal expectations, biological clock issues , or could genuinely be that you feel deep down that you're missing out on living life to the full. 

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