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Meeting people and relationships

NAS66937

Hi. I'm 25 and I've never been in a proper relationship, but I'm at the point now where I would like to try 

meeting someone. I'm a lot better at socializing than I used to be, and while making friends is difficult

it isn't impossible. However, with relationships I don't know where to start. I've dated infrequently,

though it's never really developed into anything. It just seems to add an extra layer of difficulty on top

of everything. I just wondered if anyone had any advice on how to go about it? I know my options are

kind of limited right now, but I want to have a few ideas for if/when things settle down. 

Sorry if this is a bit vague. Just ask if there's anything you want me to be more specific about. 

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  • I must put a disclaimer on my advice... I’m no expert on relationships, but I will try my best with some advice:

    Firstly be yourself rather than trying to be something that you are not because whilst I don’t know you, I know that we all have a lot of positive elements to ourselves and whilst our traits, anxieties and self consciousness often lead us to sometimes portray ourselves as something we are not - in the long run that doesn’t work.

    Secondly, be open minded - now I don’t know your gender or sexuality, so forgive the generic terminology here but what matters most is finding a boyfriend/ girlfriend who accepts you for who you are and isn’t bothered by having to adapt for your traits. Sometimes finding the right person means waiting a little longer, maybe being less idealistic about a boyfriend/ girlfriend (I’m not saying you are an idealist but many are) because my experience is that sometimes the best people aren’t always the obvious choice. If you go into things with an open mind you will have a greater success.

    Thirdly - talk with people, you may just connect with someone. So send people messages on here for example, because if you don’t make an effort to connect with others there’s no guarantee that people will with you. That is not to suggest that everyone you connect or talk with is a potential partner, but the more people you talk to, the more likely it is you’ll find someone.

    My guess is you are probably pretty awesome, so finally believe in yourself Slight smile

    I hope this helps - if you need any ideas or just want to chat, feel free to send me a message, if I have advice, I am always happy to share it. 

  • in reply to Anthony

    Thanks for the response, I'll keep those points in mind. One thing that I find quite difficult to balance is showing interest in people. I think at worst I come across as self absorbed and completely disinterested in others. But there have also been times when I've really liked someone, and I've put them off by being too intense. Like I said, I'm a lot better and I don't close myself off as much, but I'm a little worried I might regress now that I don't have the opportunity to interact directly with people. 

  • in reply to NAS66937

    Hmmmm it’s tricky - I think it’s still best to be who you are, if that means you are a bit intense - so long as you stay true to yourself that’s all that matters because when you find someone who likes you for who you are, they are liking the real you.

    i think it’s a very human trait to be self absorbed at tines, but if it worries you, you are conscious of it and that so you can use that self awareness to guide conversation a bit back towards the other person. Equally if you are really worried maybe find friends/ potential partners who are a bit more dominant personality wise, so it balances things - just ideas. 

    The best way not to skip is to find ways to keep moving forward - so keep chatting to people, through here or other platforms - that way during this period where coronavirus prevents socialising in person, things won’t slip backwards for you. 

  • in reply to NAS65581

    NAS65581: It’s perfectly fine not to like social drinking, I’m not the biggest fan of it either for similar reasons. It’s important that you feel comfortable wherever you choose to socialise and if you are up front with the other person I am sure they’d understand. There are loads of alternative places to go - so I don’t think you need to worry about that. I’d encourage you to keep trying to connect with people - as I’ve said  before I’m terrible at it! So the fact you are good at it (even if a bit shy at first) is positive.

    If you’d like to discuss this further or just have a chat  feel free to send me a message - my settings allow anyone to private message me :) 

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  • in reply to NAS65581

    NAS65581: It’s perfectly fine not to like social drinking, I’m not the biggest fan of it either for similar reasons. It’s important that you feel comfortable wherever you choose to socialise and if you are up front with the other person I am sure they’d understand. There are loads of alternative places to go - so I don’t think you need to worry about that. I’d encourage you to keep trying to connect with people - as I’ve said  before I’m terrible at it! So the fact you are good at it (even if a bit shy at first) is positive.

    If you’d like to discuss this further or just have a chat  feel free to send me a message - my settings allow anyone to private message me :) 

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