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Possibly on the spectrum?

Forrest123

Hello everyone,

I’ve only  just joined this community chat today, so please forgive me if I’m asking any questions that have been asked a thousand times before? But very recently I’ve been seriously considering asking my GP for a referral to be assessed for autism. But I’ve got this worry about being assessed, then they say I haven’t got autism at all. Then I’ll be confused as to what my issues really are. So I’m looking for a bit of advice I guess. Let me give some details as to what makes me think I could be on the spectrum.

I’m a 41 year old man, and I’m in full time employment. I’ve always thought I was different from a lot of other people. I’ve never liked social engagement. I don’t feel comfortable at parties etc... I find conversations hard work, and unless a topic comes up that I’m interested in, then I usually just stay quiet and let others do the talking. Also, I struggle to keep eye contact with others, sometimes I actually start smiling when someone is talking to me, which is annoying because it makes me look like I’m not taking them seriously. Does anyone else do this? Apart from the social issues I have, I’m also someone that spends a lot of time in deep thought about things, I tend to overthink a lot, but that could be due to my OCD. 

I’ve been reading up on autism, and I’ve recently done an online test, which I scored high at. But I don’t think online tests are a reason for self diagnosing. I’ve always preferred routine, and I stick to doing the same things. I find I get obsessed by a certain subject, and I go into it in great depth, until suddenly I completely lose interest in it. I seem to get annoyed by loud sounds more than most others around me. I’ve never been touchy-feely, maybe this sounds odd? But it feels awkward if I cuddle someone. But one of the main reasons for my post today, regards stimming and flapping. Now, all I’ve heard on stimming is, some people do rocking back and forward, things like that. But what I’d really like to know is, does anyone else tap things with their fingers? Because that’s what I do.

This is embarrassing for me to say, as I’ve never said this to anyone before. But for as long as I can remember, probably from the age of 4 or 5, I’ve always played with my fingers, tapped things, and rub my hands together quickly, it’s usually when I’m excited, but it’s also a calming thing. It’s difficult to explain over text, but usually when I get excited I rub my hands quickly, and flap my fingers, or tap things with my fingers. I also twiddle with objects like pens and pencils, and I twiddle them for long periods sometimes. I always do this out of sight of others, I even tap things with my fingers when I’m at work and in my car. Like I say, it’s hard to explain, but it’s something I’ve always done, and I was wondering if anyone else does a similar thing? And could this be a sign of autism? I hope I’ve not just made a fool of myself, but it would be nice to hear from people that are in the same boat. Sorry if I went on a bit. 

Thank you

Parents Reply
  • in reply to Forrest123

    Hi, just joined today and can identify with a lot of what you are saying.  I saw my doctor just before lockdown and received a letter from the referral service saying there was not enough evidence of lifelong specific traits so I need to start compiling more evidence before I go back.  I believe that I am at the low end of the spectrum but would like to be able to make sense of the way I feel and act.

Children
  • in reply to BJS

    Yeah, OCD can take many forms. I never really considered I had OCD until a couple of years ago. I always just associated it with people that just wash their hands a lot. But it’s much more broad than that. Intrusive thoughts is a big sign. Double and triple checking things, door locks windows etc... it can be treated apparently with CBT. So I now believe I’m very likely to be on the autistic spectrum, because I definitely have traits, plus I’ve got OCD as well. I’ve always been one to overthink things far too much, I try to work things out in my head for hours on end. 

  • in reply to Forrest123

    Never thought of OCD before will look into that as well.

  • in reply to BJS

    Thanks for your message. That’s annoying that they didn’t think there was enough evidence. That’s what worries me to be honest. I’ve got this feeling the GP will just brush it off. I read your profile page, and it sounds like you have OCD too? I’ve got that as well.