Hello everyone,
I’ve only just joined this community chat today, so please forgive me if I’m asking any questions that have been asked a thousand times before? But very recently I’ve been seriously considering asking my GP for a referral to be assessed for autism. But I’ve got this worry about being assessed, then they say I haven’t got autism at all. Then I’ll be confused as to what my issues really are. So I’m looking for a bit of advice I guess. Let me give some details as to what makes me think I could be on the spectrum.
I’m a 41 year old man, and I’m in full time employment. I’ve always thought I was different from a lot of other people. I’ve never liked social engagement. I don’t feel comfortable at parties etc... I find conversations hard work, and unless a topic comes up that I’m interested in, then I usually just stay quiet and let others do the talking. Also, I struggle to keep eye contact with others, sometimes I actually start smiling when someone is talking to me, which is annoying because it makes me look like I’m not taking them seriously. Does anyone else do this? Apart from the social issues I have, I’m also someone that spends a lot of time in deep thought about things, I tend to overthink a lot, but that could be due to my OCD.
I’ve been reading up on autism, and I’ve recently done an online test, which I scored high at. But I don’t think online tests are a reason for self diagnosing. I’ve always preferred routine, and I stick to doing the same things. I find I get obsessed by a certain subject, and I go into it in great depth, until suddenly I completely lose interest in it. I seem to get annoyed by loud sounds more than most others around me. I’ve never been touchy-feely, maybe this sounds odd? But it feels awkward if I cuddle someone. But one of the main reasons for my post today, regards stimming and flapping. Now, all I’ve heard on stimming is, some people do rocking back and forward, things like that. But what I’d really like to know is, does anyone else tap things with their fingers? Because that’s what I do.
This is embarrassing for me to say, as I’ve never said this to anyone before. But for as long as I can remember, probably from the age of 4 or 5, I’ve always played with my fingers, tapped things, and rub my hands together quickly, it’s usually when I’m excited, but it’s also a calming thing. It’s difficult to explain over text, but usually when I get excited I rub my hands quickly, and flap my fingers, or tap things with my fingers. I also twiddle with objects like pens and pencils, and I twiddle them for long periods sometimes. I always do this out of sight of others, I even tap things with my fingers when I’m at work and in my car. Like I say, it’s hard to explain, but it’s something I’ve always done, and I was wondering if anyone else does a similar thing? And could this be a sign of autism? I hope I’ve not just made a fool of myself, but it would be nice to hear from people that are in the same boat. Sorry if I went on a bit.
Thank you
