Meltdowns

I just go with it.  Generally if im going to melt, I walk away from the situation, its the only avoidance tactic.  In the past I've had rage meltdowns, mainly years back when I used to go out with friends and aminly if we were brawling.  At the time, kind of like seeing red and then passing out, but not passing out, then coming too amongst carnage.  My parents made me do martial arts as a kid to make me less unruly, it just made me better at dealing with people in fights, through school and all the way into my 20s.  havent done that in a while thankfully, but it still simmers in the background, probably always will.

Try walking away, take some deep breaths, think about something else, close your eyes and forcefully shut it down if needs be.  That has worked for me while working on a number of situations, while dealing with the usual a-holes you come across.  Well almost all of them.  theirs always someone who wants to pursue and get in your face and then well its time to unleash the inner demon, or just have a breakdown. ;)

At the end of the day this is just how it is.  My suggestion.  Dont make plans if that is a hotspot for you.  Live you r life in the moment.

Dear PickAChew,

it's not easy to prevent meltdowns. You have to sleep well, be relaxed, have a daily routine. Avoid stressful events, avoid stressful people and, when you have the meltdown, try to hide yourself in a toilet and wash your head in cold water for 4 minutes. And pray, pray a lot, and you will feel better... 

Of course, people will always notice you are a freek... welcome to the autism spectrum.

I would like to be more helpful, of course we need professional help and a tutor but who can aford it?

I cant control my meltdowns, I have started deleting apps on my phone rather than watch it bounce along the floor its as if anxiety and stress takes over to a point I kind of black out. The last one my gf took an over dose of Valium and I just lost it and ate 28 10mg my self. We then spent the night in hospital under observation. I feel so stupid for that, I do have stress toys that I can destroy and replace.  Its weird, its just a sudden reaction I cant control at times.

PickAChew said:

Mine tend to last hours. They are normally prompted by a sudden change in plans. I start crying, shaking, hyperventilating. 

I'm worried that I will drive people away with this behaviour. And at a time like this (coronavirus) the thought of being abandoned is terrifying.

How do you guys PREVENT meltdowns?

Rather than having meltdowns I have shutdowns (of the locked in variety) and or seizures (of the Psychogenic (stress induced) Non Epileptic Seizure (PNES) variety).

In order to prevent or if not minimise my shutdowns and or seizures, I learnt a gentle and deep pelvic breathing technique where the nose (and mouth) is imagined as being in the centre of the chest, and the lungs are imagined as being in the pelvis (involving the bladder and the bowels), with each inhalation pulling your feet to the floor, and each exhalation rooting your feet into the earth.

It is important to practice and get used to this technique when you are calm and relaxed, before using it during meltdowns. Before going to sleep and upon waking up can be useful for regular practice

If you happen to be walking or running whilst doing the gentle and deep pelvic breathing exercise, imagine also that the earth is a treadmill rolling under your feet ~ with many runners finding it improves their ability beyond just the improved oxygenation and metabolism side of things, remembering that diaphragmatic breathing only provides about 30% or 40% oxygenation, with pelvic breathing providing 100% oxygenation and therefore no suffocation, and much reduced anxiety.

Here is article you may find helpful possibly:

https://www.northatlanticbooks.com/blog/6-essential-heart-centered-breathing-exercises-to-treat-anxiety/

Or a Youtube Yoga option perhaps:

But it seems when I'm open and honest it pushes people away.

try to make a plan for when things get tough, be open and honest with your friends and family and just take care of yourself. you are allowed to struggle :)

I coped extremely badly. I had a huge meltdown and it took me about five to six months to get over it. I used to be very afraid of people abandoning me, but now that doesn't seem to be a problem anymore. Maybe it's because I know that at least my best friend would never abandon me.

How did you cope with losing your friends? Have you ever had a fear of abandonment? I do, and it is often reinforced by people (often 'friends' or partners) abandoning me.

I used to be like that but I got a lot more independent the past year, due to working full-time, moving out and living on my own and ... because of that terrible breakdown I had that cost me a bunch of friends. I'm glad that I can be on my own, though, I find being with people exhausting.

I have an insecure-attachment style due to a crap childhood so I feel compelled to be in a relationship at all times. I envy your ability to be content as a single person. Navigating a relationship is overwhelming and scary, particularly now during Covid-19 as I cling to my partner. 

I had one a couple of years ago and it was quite exhausting. I'm currently not in one and I don't really intend to. I have work, uni, two great friends and I currently don't want to be in any sort of relationship. Also, since my whole federal land is quarantined, I have a great excuse to sit in my flat and be anti-social :D

Sorry to ask a personal question, but are you able to maintain romantic relationships? I can but I find it exhausting. 

:D No, they weren't. I've been seeing a psychologist for almost a year now (for anxienty and depression and a gigantic meltdown I had) and last week he said he finally made the connection. I don't think there is a process like that you have to follow here. I'm sure there are formal assessments, but I trust that my psychologist, who has known me for almost a year, knows what he's talking about. It's my fault anyway that he didn't make the connection earlier because I never managed to coherently talk about my issues. 

It's my thread ^_^

My mother knows my diagnosis because they interviewed her as part of the diagnosis process. Were your parents not interviewed? My mother was shocked at my diagnosis; she thought she had made it clear to them I wasn't an aspie ;)

I told my two best friends, but nobody else. I kind of want my parents and other people to know, but they wouldn't understand and I don't want them to look at me differently. It's hard enough as it is... Say, are there any rules about spamming a thread like that? Because I feel that's what we are doing :D

Wow. I only got diagnosed last week too! Have you told anyone IRL about your diagnosis? I ended up announcing it on Facebook mid-meltdown. I wanted to show the finger to anyone who has ever judged or belittled me.

I feel you. I came here because I felt really lonely with all my issues as well. I got diagnosed only last week and I'm still overwhelmed.

Yep. I've lost lots of friends via my inability to 'conceal' my emotions. If I'm not careful, I will lose my partner too.

Self-censorship is a lonely place to be. That's why I came here.

I'm always scared I push my friends away with my emotions. And for some friends that's true, for others it's not. I have two great friends who don't mind my emotional breakdowns whatsoever. However, last year I lost a couple of not so close friends because of it. But I don't see that as a huge loss. It hurt, nonetheless

I have a big problem with overthinking too. And I often feel guilt and shame if I communicate my (often irrational from a NT perspective) thoughts to my partner. Today I am locking myself in a room to avoid communicating because I don't want to push him away with my opinions/emotions.