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Autism seems to me , to be so like depression, I always feel like ive done something wrong!

AlwaysIS
over 4 years ago

Will be a year this June ,since  my Autism f84.5 diagnosis.

So please dont be offended if i assume alot, that is actually wrong.....i mean not to offend anyone...

Im learning what all this IS!

To me....i dont know what is depression alone...or Autism alone...or a mix?

Im almost everyday battling suicidal thoughts....

I am 51 , and the last time i half heartily attempted anything, (it was in an undiagnosed state.).A 17 yr old bewildered boy that was totally lost and thought i could make people love me..

I self-harmed quite badly on my left arm.....It disgraces me to this day and is a hideous reminder of my mistake...and i loathe the idea that anyone will see this....So i have to cover up even in the hottest of summers..

Now thats one separate issue, which im slowly coming to terms with. As i feel since the diagnosis...I can finally put that incident into context.

But i feel that if i ever really did choose to go....it would be 100% alone, without any calling out of crying.....(There is no one to call out anyway) i could explain, but i dont want it to sound like a violin session...but no friends and family is hard enough for anyone,either Autistic or not.

But the major issue im having, along with the rest of my issues...I have the feeling that im constantly wrong!    bumbling!....a complete waste of space...

Ive always been a bit of a prat i guess...!  but i know its the way my brain works and is wired...

But i know im actually quite ill....as i cry out of nowhere, for the simplest of things..and often with no warning!

Im going to be seeing wellbeing Bedfordshire....so i am stretching out for assistance....and i truly dont want to die just yet....Certainly not at my own hands...

If i fell ill....In all honesty, i would find it a relief, as it would take the guilt away of passing away at my own hands...

I dont want to drag anyone down..so please do not feel you have to reply....but im wondering if others feel similar things.....So can some of this  be attributed to the Autism.,...?

Parents
  • over 4 years ago

    Hello Always!S

    I’m sorry you are going through such a tough time, it’s good that you’ve let us know what’s happening/how you feel. Many people have similar thoughts when coping with so much and we hope you’re okay. 

    If you are unable to cope with the distress or despair, it’s very important to tell someone about your feelings or thoughts of suicide. It is great that you have an appointment booked with Wellbeing in Bedfordshire, however in the meantime please see a link below to 111 if you feel it is more urgent.

    If it’s outside your GP hours call  111  to reach the NHS 111 service:   http://www.nhs.uk/NHSEngland/AboutNHSservices/Emergencyandurgentcareservices/Pages/NHS-111.aspx 

     

    The Samaritans also provide confidential non-judgemental emotional support, 24 hours a day on 116 123, or by email on jo@samaritans.org.

    MIND have information pages on coping with self harm or suicidal feelings based on the experiences of people who’ve been through it that you may find helpful. 

     

    If you are very close to doing something to hurt yourself - call 999 now or go to your nearest A&E department. There should be someone there to support you and make sure you get ongoing support.

    If you need help with an autism related issue, our helpline can be emailed via webform https://www.autism.org.uk/services/helplines/main/questions.aspx or they’re open Monday to Thursday 10am-4pm and Friday 9am-3pm on 0808 800 4104. 

    i hope you find this of some use.

    Best wishes

    Lorraine Mod

Reply
  • over 4 years ago

    Hello Always!S

    I’m sorry you are going through such a tough time, it’s good that you’ve let us know what’s happening/how you feel. Many people have similar thoughts when coping with so much and we hope you’re okay. 

    If you are unable to cope with the distress or despair, it’s very important to tell someone about your feelings or thoughts of suicide. It is great that you have an appointment booked with Wellbeing in Bedfordshire, however in the meantime please see a link below to 111 if you feel it is more urgent.

    If it’s outside your GP hours call  111  to reach the NHS 111 service:   http://www.nhs.uk/NHSEngland/AboutNHSservices/Emergencyandurgentcareservices/Pages/NHS-111.aspx 

     

    The Samaritans also provide confidential non-judgemental emotional support, 24 hours a day on 116 123, or by email on jo@samaritans.org.

    MIND have information pages on coping with self harm or suicidal feelings based on the experiences of people who’ve been through it that you may find helpful. 

     

    If you are very close to doing something to hurt yourself - call 999 now or go to your nearest A&E department. There should be someone there to support you and make sure you get ongoing support.

    If you need help with an autism related issue, our helpline can be emailed via webform https://www.autism.org.uk/services/helplines/main/questions.aspx or they’re open Monday to Thursday 10am-4pm and Friday 9am-3pm on 0808 800 4104. 

    i hope you find this of some use.

    Best wishes

    Lorraine Mod

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