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Losing Social Skills

NAS62563

Does anyone else feel like they lose their social skills if they don't keep them up? Throughout my life I have had cycles of being regularly in social situations (school, college, uni, work, out with friends) and then other periods such as holidays or whilst unemployed where I rarely speak to anyone, this is where I feel like I lose my social skills and become more socially awkward than before despite being older and wiser. Recently this has left me sounding like a nervous wreck and even sometimes slurring my words at the unexpected encounter with a neighbour for example. I have dated many women in my life and over time it became more natural but now since I haven't met anyone for almost 6 months I feel like I would struggle to even have a date now

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  • Absolutely. What I'm trying at the moment is to ask people if they can speak to me more slowly, and also release a little bit of my natural behaviours at a time more continuously throughout the day instead of suppressing them, such as occasionally flapping my hands slightly during conversation or letting my voice stutter and follow its natural cadence more. That way I feel like I'm reducing the pressure of forcing myself to keep in step with those around me when I can't without faking, and the people who know and understand are patient and supportive. I do get quite apprehensive about showing the behaviours, but little by little it is helping immensely.

  • in reply to Rach

    That's good advice, IMHO. I've been very slowly working on that over the last few years; around people who know me well at least. After 45 years of masking, it hasn't been easy, and I've had the odd bad reaction here and there, but like you, the people who really matter to me have been really supportive, and I feel like my relationships with them are slowly getting closer as I remove the barrier that I always put between them and the real me.

  • in reply to Trogluddite

    I think I might have had a similar experience. Before I suspected I was autistic, I would do everything I could to try to maintain pace with those around me, to the point of being over-exaggerated. I started trying to drop the techniques but it's taken years to get to the point where I feel as though I'm reacting more naturally and in real-time. The payoff has been worth it though, as I feel more internally aligned and consistent. I do have different types of reactions sometimes, as some of the things I do including flapping my hands slightly or speaking in a way that can come across as 'childlike' in terms of sentence structure and tone of voice are perhaps not expected, but they are what my natural expressions are and are more truthful when it comes to real-time interaction.

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  • in reply to Trogluddite

    I think I might have had a similar experience. Before I suspected I was autistic, I would do everything I could to try to maintain pace with those around me, to the point of being over-exaggerated. I started trying to drop the techniques but it's taken years to get to the point where I feel as though I'm reacting more naturally and in real-time. The payoff has been worth it though, as I feel more internally aligned and consistent. I do have different types of reactions sometimes, as some of the things I do including flapping my hands slightly or speaking in a way that can come across as 'childlike' in terms of sentence structure and tone of voice are perhaps not expected, but they are what my natural expressions are and are more truthful when it comes to real-time interaction.

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