Autistic Adult Struggling With Tone of Voice - Coping Strategies Help

NAS61861 said:

Hello Everyone,

Hello NAS61861,

NAS61861 said:

I was diagnosed last year with Adult Autism - High Functioning.

I was diagnosed as such in 2015 myself ~ a bit late but none the less and the all the more; welcome to the officially diagnosed extent of things!

NAS61861 said:

I'm sure many of you may experience this in your lives but I am struggling to cope with people's tones when they speak to me, especially my partner. I am finding it extremely difficult to comprehend the way a simple question is being asked, ie How do you spell something, and not taking offence at the tone of the question. I'm taking it very personal and feel put down or put in my place like a little child.

Does anyone know of any coping strategies to help in this regard?

Yes.

.

In Transactional Analysis (or TA for those who work with or are familiar with it) as a psychological treatment model, there are traumatically fragmented aspects of our personality that are referred to as ego-states, as develop during childhood as behavioural adaptations that were first learnt in the mimicked sense from our parents and guardians ~ whilst being psychologically disassociated due to having been overwhelmed by anxiety or fear.

.

These ego-states consist of behavioural reproductions of what we experienced as children and are therefore referred to as Child ego-states (in TA), then the adapted ego-states that we experienced with and behaviourally mimicked from our parents and guardians are thence referred to as Parent ego-states (as being parental roles essentially), and Adult ego-states consist of our presence of mind in the here and now ~ either in terms of being driven by the Child and Parent ego-states (when therapy is most required), or in terms of being in charge of the Child and Parent ego-states (when therapy is least or no longer required).

.

Hence then in terms of being driven by ego-states rather than in charge of them; there is in TA the PAC model:

(P) Parent ego-state involving behaviours, thoughts and feelings copied from parents or parent figures

.

(A) Adult ego-state involving behaviours, thoughts and feelings that are direct responses to the here-and-now

.

(C) Child ego-state involving behaviours, thoughts and feelings replayed from childhood.

When therefore our Adult here-and-now sense of things is being driven by either or both our Child and (adapted child) Parent ego-states, our original childhood development vitalisation has been behaviourally obstructed ~ and otherwise incorporated as behaviourally prevents us from meeting our original needs, and hence we become increasingly frustrated and hypertensive.

.

In order to work through the behavioural adaptations that obstructed our original vitalisations, it of course rather useful to know the character of them as Behavioural Drivers, which are as follows:

1.) To Be Perfect

.

2.) To Be Strong

.

3.) To Try Hard

.

4.) To Please (others)

.

5.) To Hurry Up

Now most people have by percentage a mix of drivers ~ but one or more may play through more distinctly in particular situations.

.

Each driver though will precede entering into a particular PAC ego-state, and in order to get out of them and back into a driver free Adult state of mind again ~ gentle and deep pelvic breathing where the nose (and mouth) is imagined as being in the centre of the chest, and the lungs are imagined as being in the pelvis, with each inhalation pulling your feet to the floor, and each exhalation rooting your feet into the earth, is rather useful.

.

If you happen to be walking whilst doing the gentle and deep pelvic breathing exercise, imagining also that the earth is a treadmill rolling under your feet ~ helps further strengthen your Adult sense of presence in the here and now.

.

The heart and pelvis centred gentle and deep breathing technique is recommended in that each traumatic disassociation (during and since childhood) disempowered the heart involving compassion (leaving us upset in a ‘Wounded’ Child ego-state) and empowered the pelvis involving aggression (leaving us angry (offended) in a ‘Critical’ Parent ego-state).

.

With the heart link wounded or damaged, the pelvic link (involving instinctual or habitual reflexes) takes over the head link and we sense things historically rather than experientially as they are in the present.

NAS61861 said:

Any help would be much appreciated.

If this ‘help’ is particularly appreciated regarding the Transactional Analysis stuff, there is a book titled TA Today ~ A New Introduction to Transactional Analysis ~ Second Edition ~ [by] Ian Stewart and Van Joines ~ if you fancy learning all about it, or else just becoming more your own therapist, what with either possibly the lack of availability, the waiting lists or the prices and all that.

.

Or else here follows an eight page PDF link “Transactional Theory: The Basics ~ Carol Solomon PhD”.

NAS61861 said:

Hello Everyone,

Hello NAS61861,

NAS61861 said:

I was diagnosed last year with Adult Autism - High Functioning.

I was diagnosed as such in 2015 myself ~ a bit late but none the less and the all the more; welcome to the officially diagnosed extent of things!

NAS61861 said:

I'm sure many of you may experience this in your lives but I am struggling to cope with people's tones when they speak to me, especially my partner. I am finding it extremely difficult to comprehend the way a simple question is being asked, ie How do you spell something, and not taking offence at the tone of the question. I'm taking it very personal and feel put down or put in my place like a little child.

Does anyone know of any coping strategies to help in this regard?

Yes.

.

In Transactional Analysis (or TA for those who work with or are familiar with it) as a psychological treatment model, there are traumatically fragmented aspects of our personality that are referred to as ego-states, as develop during childhood as behavioural adaptations that were first learnt in the mimicked sense from our parents and guardians ~ whilst being psychologically disassociated due to having been overwhelmed by anxiety or fear.

.

These ego-states consist of behavioural reproductions of what we experienced as children and are therefore referred to as Child ego-states (in TA), then the adapted ego-states that we experienced with and behaviourally mimicked from our parents and guardians are thence referred to as Parent ego-states (as being parental roles essentially), and Adult ego-states consist of our presence of mind in the here and now ~ either in terms of being driven by the Child and Parent ego-states (when therapy is most required), or in terms of being in charge of the Child and Parent ego-states (when therapy is least or no longer required).

.

Hence then in terms of being driven by ego-states rather than in charge of them; there is in TA the PAC model:

(P) Parent ego-state involving behaviours, thoughts and feelings copied from parents or parent figures

.

(A) Adult ego-state involving behaviours, thoughts and feelings that are direct responses to the here-and-now

.

(C) Child ego-state involving behaviours, thoughts and feelings replayed from childhood.

When therefore our Adult here-and-now sense of things is being driven by either or both our Child and (adapted child) Parent ego-states, our original childhood development vitalisation has been behaviourally obstructed ~ and otherwise incorporated as behaviourally prevents us from meeting our original needs, and hence we become increasingly frustrated and hypertensive.

.

In order to work through the behavioural adaptations that obstructed our original vitalisations, it of course rather useful to know the character of them as Behavioural Drivers, which are as follows:

1.) To Be Perfect

.

2.) To Be Strong

.

3.) To Try Hard

.

4.) To Please (others)

.

5.) To Hurry Up

Now most people have by percentage a mix of drivers ~ but one or more may play through more distinctly in particular situations.

.

Each driver though will precede entering into a particular PAC ego-state, and in order to get out of them and back into a driver free Adult state of mind again ~ gentle and deep pelvic breathing where the nose (and mouth) is imagined as being in the centre of the chest, and the lungs are imagined as being in the pelvis, with each inhalation pulling your feet to the floor, and each exhalation rooting your feet into the earth, is rather useful.

.

If you happen to be walking whilst doing the gentle and deep pelvic breathing exercise, imagining also that the earth is a treadmill rolling under your feet ~ helps further strengthen your Adult sense of presence in the here and now.

.

The heart and pelvis centred gentle and deep breathing technique is recommended in that each traumatic disassociation (during and since childhood) disempowered the heart involving compassion (leaving us upset in a ‘Wounded’ Child ego-state) and empowered the pelvis involving aggression (leaving us angry (offended) in a ‘Critical’ Parent ego-state).

.

With the heart link wounded or damaged, the pelvic link (involving instinctual or habitual reflexes) takes over the head link and we sense things historically rather than experientially as they are in the present.

NAS61861 said:

Any help would be much appreciated.

If this ‘help’ is particularly appreciated regarding the Transactional Analysis stuff, there is a book titled TA Today ~ A New Introduction to Transactional Analysis ~ Second Edition ~ [by] Ian Stewart and Van Joines ~ if you fancy learning all about it, or else just becoming more your own therapist, what with either possibly the lack of availability, the waiting lists or the prices and all that.

.

Or else here follows an eight page PDF link “Transactional Theory: The Basics ~ Carol Solomon PhD”.

Thank you for this very detailed and complex response and explanation.

I’m curious about that breathing technique you’ve described. I can see how useful it could be, and I’ve used breathing techniques for grounding and becoming body-centred/aware. Could you direct me to where that particular exercise came from please?

Something I struggle with in relation to breathing strategies is that when I focus on my breath and how I’m breathing, I find I almost get anxious or start to hyper-ventilate. I was once told I have arhythmical breathing, and it may be down to that - but I’m now also wondering if the arhythmical breathing could be an autism related challenge. Do you perhaps have any insight related to arhythmia?

thank you 

Thanks I have found this useful too.