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Almost 57 older woman identify as being on autistic spectrum

Ionising

I've suspected for a very long time I am on the autistic spectrum.  I don't have an official diagnosis, nor have asked to be referred.  It just makes sense to me and explainsso much of my life and experience.  I've just felt others experience me as 'weird' all my life.  I have a professional job, a grown child and I am a grandmother.  I don't particularly like labels, but I did do the AT test and scored 32.  Sometimes, particularly at work, I have to do a lot of self talk to try and not be weird.  It's exhausting :)   I work hard at being sociable, at connecting, and listening.  I'm very self aware and don't have any difficulty reading other's clues.  I've realised I am more myself, so to speak, as I've grown older.  Sometimes, however, there is that moment at work (I have to attend a lot of meetings) I wish I could just be able to say I am on the spectrum.  I'm hard of hearing and have no difficulty telling people this, to help explain I don't always pick up.

I believe I have some ways of being that are very highly valued, in the right environment and team, and can contribute a lot.  But gosh I feel so sad when I think of all my childhood and life feeling it's safer being alone than having to 'hide' or 'mask' who I am.  I've only fairly recently my 'hair twirling', which soothes and settles me, is likely related Slight smile

So, hello and questions are .... is it ok to identify without going through referral and diagnosis?  Also, is anyone else here my age and feeling similarly?

  • Hi, I'm 48 and suspect I might be autistic too. Or, at the very least, have strong autistic traits! I definitely think if I was a child now I would be a 'prime suspect' (I work with children). I have a teenage son who is very likely autistic (has been on the waiting list for 2-3 years) and there is no adult diagnostic service where we live. I have had a pretty miserable childhood and have suffered from feeling different, lonely and misunderstood for most of my life. I have put this down to various causes throughout my life but things just suddenly make so much more sense if I look at them through 'autistic' lenses. But I'm scared of saying this to other people as I'm afraid they'll just laugh at me ('You autistic?!? Nooo...') as if I'm just jumping on the band wagon or trying to draw attention to myself..

  • in reply to Ionising

    Oh yes I know that feeling. I say things without really thinking how I’m saying it too. And can’t understand why people get upset as meant it innocently. And thank you. Someone understands!!!

  • in reply to Jd

    No apologies required whatsoever ... my issue is I think aloud and write it without framing it.  You were completely on point actually!

  • in reply to Ionising

    That’s kinda what I meant. I apologise for my wording lol been told I’m rather blunt on more than one occasion. How I say things is sometimes not how I meant it but I don’t see it until it’s too late. And here comes the down feeling as I feel I said summit wrong  Confused

  • in reply to Jd

    I don't know if other people think my way is stupid as such, but I constantly observe that neurotypical people get heard more than me!   

  • in reply to Ionising

    I hear you.. Time goes by much faster as we grow older and is more precious. I don’t want to HAVE to get diagnosed.

    im glad you enjoy being a grandmother.. I don’t see 2 of mine as I just can’t get close to the daughter-in-law and she doesn’t understand me (now I know why.. autism) I just can’t connect with her and believe me I tried! 

  • in reply to Ionising

    Alone.. a word and feeling I know very well. Not through choice either. Do you feel that most other people think your ways stupid and won’t entertain it? Yet a neurotypical person suggests same thing and Ilya a good idea? 

  • in reply to DaveAsperg

    Thank you DaveAsperg.  I've thought so for a long time, too.  It's only recently I've explored it at a deeper level.   I'm 57 and have a professional job in the NHS.  I think my thoughts on the diagnosis route include perhaps where I may need reasonable adjustments and the application of the equality act.  I did have the experience of one manager who found me too 'odd' to fit into her team and that was a very hard time for me (also stalled my career).  I never want to be in that situation again :)   

  • in reply to Aspie Suz

    Hello there, and thank you for responding.  I don't feel quite so alone :)   I think about 'time' a lot, more recently, and my current thinking, in terms of decision making, involves the 'time' it would take to pursue a diagnosis.  , like you, have lived being myself for a very long time.  

    I love being a grandmother :)   

  • in reply to Ionising

    My daughters 7 and relying on me as her mums been quite poorly recently which although not her fault (her mum) at all had disrupted the routine and can’t get my head round it

  • Older women and also men. I didn't get formally diagnosed until age 63. I've long thought I was asd though, have been very successful in career and sport and had other reasons for getting a formal diagnosis at that age

  • in reply to Jd

    Thank you very much for your response NAS66206.  I completely understand what you are saying about your daughter.  I think we all have a well developed intuitive process on what helps, where our children are concerned.  My daughter is 32 and shows no signs, but she's very loving and accepting of me, and we manage to navigate any difficulties that arise between us.

  • in reply to Aspie Suz

    I got referred may last year. Still waiting...

  • Yes, yes.. Finally someone near my age with self diagnosis! I’m 56, female and same as you a mother and grandmother and scored 44 on the test.. I am in the same boat, unsure if I should be diagnosed formally or leave it. I mean, I’ve lived my whole life with it!.. or am I not legitimately autistic until I jump through the hoops of diagnosis, professionally? 

    I would like to know.. but apparently it can take a whole year for an appointment? I don’t know

  • Hi. I think it’s one area that seems to be ok to self diagnose. I took that test and scored 46 and after a chat with my gp looking into getting support not so much for me but for my daughter so I can cope better around her. 
    I think people who have autistic tendencies know within themselves that they are different and that’s all they need. A lot of my past now starts making sense since I’ve been looking into autism.