It’s been about 6 months since I broke up with my ex-girlfriend who is also on the spectrum. She has Asperger’s syndrome. It was through my relationship with her that I started to really acknowledge my own autistic traits after years of having them brushed aside. She was the only girlfriend I have ever had and also my first kiss. It was a horrific experience that I had no way of dealing with. I couldn’t understand what had happened as I believed things were good. The relationship became incredibly draining for her as we both had meltdowns that neither of us wanted to take responsibility for. I have a massive obsession with routine and it freaks me out when people are late. This is something that she found difficult. I have tried desperately to maintain a friendship with her but cannot see a way of moving on as she has. I feel like to her it’s like we never happened. I know we both had faults but I can’t help but think I did the best I could and it still wasn’t good enough. I started doubting myself as it made me feel like I was a bad person. She’s the only person I’ve ever met who’s anything like me and after all this time I still don’t understand it. I don’t speak to her much as she doesn’t want to. I only really communicate to her through her mum who has become my friend and has supported me whilst I await my ASD assessment. I have suffered a lot of rejection in my life but I never expected it from her especially as she has also suffered great loss and rejection. It completely destroyed me. I have even begged her for help as I’m at a massive turning point in my life but she won't. I struggle to understand why people can’t be there for me when I need them. Does the pain ever stop? Will I ever be able to feel the same feelings for anyone else again? She was my best friend and life is very lonely without her. What’s the best thing to do? Do I just fall in love to easily?