Published on 12, July, 2020
I reluctantly divulged my aspergers diagnosis to my manager and HR because someone who had bullied me was prospectively going to be hired by the company I’m now working for. I’m on a temporary contract.
Since then, when I go for break or lunch in the communal lunch room (I rarely go these days), there is always a comment about aspergers in relation to the manager’s nephew. Comments being made include aspergers being an excuse for bad behaviour, how you can tell that the asperger traits are ‘put on’ for the person to get their way, the mention of extended family members or people known to the manager and her friend having autism and how it’s so challenging for the rest of the family (spoken like the autistic person is a burden and is non intelligent and is not a normal person like the rest of them). The managers friend has a daughter with aspergers and talks about her long monologues and how they are so annoying.
All of this is spoken about freely and all the while, I have to sit there and listen to it. I am fed up with it.
The senior HR person has described my department as a family and has said that the company does things ‘in house’ when I mentioned I had asked an external party to help with reasonable adjustments. I have had no reasonable adjustments made for me by the way. She treats me rather coldly now.
What can I do to fight back? Has anybody else experienced this?
Don't fight back. Take it slowly or if it is too much start looking elsewhere.
HR legal requirement for "reasonable adjustment" is problematic. I was told that a noisy open plan office was normal, which was odd as I had worked in a number of offices were that wasn't the case. One manager who wanted to get rid of me sat me in noisy area. Whereas a new director sat me so my back was to the wall to help reduce over stimulation. So what one sees as "reasonable" another doesn't. If you have an idea to ask the HR for what the pros & cons are. Listen then process, and try not to react about the negatives. Starting the conversation with "the law states...." tends to get people defensive.
With the conversations, yeah I get that sort of thing. My sister who is suddenly an "expert" & the occasional barbed comment from ex-friends & colleagues. React in any negative way and they may see it as a new sport. They maybe trying to be subtle in trying to draw you into a conversation, not knowing/uncomfortable with being too direct. When people have asked a direct question & I think they are being genuine then I answer.
Best comment I ever heard was "everyone is unique, people with aspergers are more unique".
Hi Unique Aspie. Why do you say don’t fight back? I want to fight back.
From my experience trying to fight back is natural, but is often counter productive. And yes got a whole collection of t-shirts for that!!. Push for a change too hard or too fast and others will become defensive and will just say no. Ask them for help when it is convenient to them may result in a better responsive.
How would you react if someone came to you all hyped up telling you what to do verse a calm person requesting help when you had time to spare? Be willing to ask them if they have time to discuss, if not ask them when. You don't know what their priorities or stresses are so don't add to it by being too hasty or your will inevitable end up with the shortest answer possible. No!
If you have the time read up on NLP (Natural Linguistic Programming) I found it very helpful in persuading people.
sounds like a great idea. I’m exhausted.