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Nostalgia, wanting to go back in time, yearning for a 'golden era'

Hope

I have touched on this topic before, but it is a recurring 'obsession' of mine. My life WAS better in the past, objectively better. When I tell people this, they always contradict me, trying to tell me that my life has barely started (I am 25), that my life is good now - I have support, my own flat, and even a part-time job. But no, my life pales into insignificance when compared to my life before the age of about 15. The pre-lapsarian era, before my fall into a black hole of fear/uncertainty/constant anxiety and crippling OCD. I am not depressed; I actually get pleasure from life, but I am sad that my life is no longer 'free' in the real sense; free from fear. I have always been anxious, always had problems, but they used to be manageable, and they  were often other people's concern. I am intellectually an 80 year old, but emotionally still a 10 year old. I just cannot grow up, and neither do I want to. I resent adult seriousness, change, and responsibility. I want to feel secure, with readily available meaning bequeathed by others. I lack structure, meaning, and I feel lost. And I am anxious ALL the time. No-one has succeeded in removing my constant general anxiety, despite the fact they have helped my OCD and specific phobias.

Parents

  • I don't want to go back to an earleir point in my life even though I am not happy with aspects of my current situation. I want things to be better than they ever have been.

    I do prefer aspects of it though. I think the adult world is hard. The expectations and dealings with people are hard. I always wanted my independence and I have really tried to achieve this but I realise I am only able to go so far. Telling people you are not struggling or that something doesn't bother you may work to a certain extent with the other people but it has anegative effect on me.

    I long for safety and security from the world. A place I can go where I can be myself. The world seems so difficult and demanding. Navigating it seems so complex.

    I always thought I could achieve what I wanted by myself but I am facing up to the facts that I really can't and actually find it hard to cope with the ever increasing demands from life.

    I feel ss an adult I am left to my own actions and consequence. Unless I negatively impact on others I am left alone to struggle.

    I am lucky to have a very supportive partner though but I hate to acknowledge that I am more rely on her increasingly.

    .....Ok I am rambling on and going a bit off topic......

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  • I don't want to go back to an earleir point in my life even though I am not happy with aspects of my current situation. I want things to be better than they ever have been.

    I do prefer aspects of it though. I think the adult world is hard. The expectations and dealings with people are hard. I always wanted my independence and I have really tried to achieve this but I realise I am only able to go so far. Telling people you are not struggling or that something doesn't bother you may work to a certain extent with the other people but it has anegative effect on me.

    I long for safety and security from the world. A place I can go where I can be myself. The world seems so difficult and demanding. Navigating it seems so complex.

    I always thought I could achieve what I wanted by myself but I am facing up to the facts that I really can't and actually find it hard to cope with the ever increasing demands from life.

    I feel ss an adult I am left to my own actions and consequence. Unless I negatively impact on others I am left alone to struggle.

    I am lucky to have a very supportive partner though but I hate to acknowledge that I am more rely on her increasingly.

    .....Ok I am rambling on and going a bit off topic......

Children
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