Hi,
I'm a 32 year old guy. I have never been diagnosed but I have always had difficulty relating to other people and felt like I am different from other people.
I suspect I might be on the spectrum but I also have a lot of doubts because I feel like I am very high functioning in parts of my life and when I am in my comfort zone I convince myself everything is fine and I am just exaggerating things. (And then I have self doubts about the self doubts because I wonder if I've just been in denial my whole life, argh!)
In the past I guess I confused this with anxiety. I started to look into ASD seriously after I got some counselling and the therapist brought it up with me. It made a lot sense because I had so much difficulty even talking to them in the first place and I literally had no idea how to identify/describe my emotions. I also mentioned it to another therapist who agreed that the way I describe things does sound like ASD.
Both of them said that I should think carefully about seeking diagnosis because there are consequences I should consider, for example I might encounter discrimination if I declared it to employers. I am about to start some other therapy for social anxiety and the person I spoke to said that even without a diagnosis if I came to a conclusion about what I think, it would help them to help me better. But I have no idea how to do that.
I made a list of all the things that make me suspect ASD and all the doubts I have, and compared it to https://www.autism.org.uk/about/diagnosis/adults.aspx and when I write it down ASD makes sense. But then when I read about people whose ASD affects them more in their day to day lives I feel like that isn't me at all. I used to be friends with someone with Asberger's syndrome and I always felt like when he had difficulty with making eye contact for example, it was much more obvious than when I have difficulty with eye contact. But then again I see other people on this forum talking about imposter syndrome, and when people talk about masking that feels very familiar to me as well. Top of my list is I have always had a very restrictive diet and trying new foods is very hard for me. I can recognise this as definitely abnormal and it has severely impacted my life, but in the past I haven't connected it to ASD.
I did the AQ 50 test online and got 38, but that didn't really help me because it still feels ambiguous. I didn't know how to answer a lot of the questions because I just wanted to answer "it depends" for all of them.
I guess I want to know what other people in this situation have done. How did you come to a conclusion you were autistic? And also what should I consider before I pursue a diagnosis? What made you decide to do it?
I just want a diagnosis because it would give me an explanation for why I am the way I am and a way to understand myself better. Even if I didn't do anything else with the diagnosis I feel like that would be helpful? The main thing that scares me about getting a diagnosis is involving other people who know me, because I am single and I don't have a good relationship with my family. I don't want to open up to them about this, especially if I pursue a diagnosis and then don't get it...
