A few weeks ago i posted about going private for a screening after finding out my nhs waiting list was 2 years, and struggling with imposter syndrome.
Well the screening results suggested ASD is likely and i was recommended for a full assessment.
So i agreed to the assessment and was offered an appointment this saturday! Im absolutely terrified, this is happening much quicker than i expected, also ive transitioned from imposter syndrome to denial and berating myself for my own stupidity at starting down this path, feeling like ive opened a can of worms that cannot be closed again.
This is made worse by the fact that after 20 years of not talking about my problems and relying only on myself, ive had to tell both my brother and my partner about everything as i needed informants. Before this week i hadnt said a thing to either of them about my long history of mental health problems.
Whats adding to the feelings of denial and feeling like a fraud is that my partner (of 10 years) said he had no idea id been struggling with MH issues for so long and hadnt noticed anything?
So im now getting paranoid that either im too good at masking, or its all in my head / the anxiety talking and i dont have ASD :(
sorry for the ramble, im feeling very stressed and confused, im not sure what im asking, i just needed to let it all out!