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What if they say I'm a fraud? (and hello!)

#SorryNotSorry

Just a wee hello from me (as a new member) I'm a 38 y/o married, professional, undiagnosed female searching for some answers to what makes me...well..me!  

I've known my whole life the way I thing/feel/behave is very different to normal people but I just accepted I was different. 

However, in March of this year I had (what I now believe to be) my first ever shutdown, and I got a real fright.  I had no idea what was wrong with me but I was very frightened.  I thought I might be having a mental breakdown and started googling what that looked like.  I came across and article about 'autistic burnout' and my jaw literally hit the floor.  I had never associated myself as autistic as I suppose, naïvely, that I didn't behave anything like the extremes of autism you see in TV shows...banging head/flapping arms/rainman type.

But, as I read article, after article (especially written by females), they could literally have been writing about me.  So, I decided to seek a diagnosis. 

My husband (who I've been with for 23 years) and who is the only person who completely knows me responded with...'why do you need someone to tell you, that you're a wee bit nuts!' and when I asked him on a scale of normal to 'nuts' where I fell he responded with...'depends what day it is!'  He's been very supportive and is coming with me on the day.

My mum on the other hand was shocked and surprised when I told her my suspicions, and said 'everyone is a bit weird in their own way'.  

My main worry is that when she filled out the form she basically wrote that she thought that I was completely normal Disappointed

I have become an expert over the years at copying and masking (most people probably assume i'm very sociable, but I find it very draining).  I'm really worried about my assessment on Friday.  What if I mask unintentionally, as it has become 'who I am'?

I wanted to start to write lists of all the reasons why I suspect I might be autistic, but am quite overwhelmed.

Could anybody even give me an idea of headings to start to categorise things by?

Any help much appreciated

x

Parents

  • DaRiA...thanks very much for your prompt reply!

    I don't really have any difficulty in deciding the areas I struggle with, its just there seem so many that i'm struggling with how to lay them out legibly so that they seem to be categorised!  It might make it easier for someone else to read.

    I'm half way through and I've so far settled for the headings

    ...social interactions

    ...repetitive interests and routines

    and have already written 4 bullet point pages!

Reply

  • DaRiA...thanks very much for your prompt reply!

    I don't really have any difficulty in deciding the areas I struggle with, its just there seem so many that i'm struggling with how to lay them out legibly so that they seem to be categorised!  It might make it easier for someone else to read.

    I'm half way through and I've so far settled for the headings

    ...social interactions

    ...repetitive interests and routines

    and have already written 4 bullet point pages!

Children
  • in reply to #SorryNotSorry

    I know what you mean. If you need someone to read through it, you are welcome to message me privately.

    If you are having an assessment they tend to ask you more about your life and specific areas anyway. I was worried about what to say but they do make it ieasier for you by asking specifically for examples etc. 

    There is not right and wrong and no pass and fail with these assessments. The spectrum is so broad and the assessors are clever and even if you end up masking some issues they should be able to sense that.