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What if they say I'm a fraud? (and hello!)

#SorryNotSorry

Just a wee hello from me (as a new member) I'm a 38 y/o married, professional, undiagnosed female searching for some answers to what makes me...well..me!  

I've known my whole life the way I thing/feel/behave is very different to normal people but I just accepted I was different. 

However, in March of this year I had (what I now believe to be) my first ever shutdown, and I got a real fright.  I had no idea what was wrong with me but I was very frightened.  I thought I might be having a mental breakdown and started googling what that looked like.  I came across and article about 'autistic burnout' and my jaw literally hit the floor.  I had never associated myself as autistic as I suppose, naïvely, that I didn't behave anything like the extremes of autism you see in TV shows...banging head/flapping arms/rainman type.

But, as I read article, after article (especially written by females), they could literally have been writing about me.  So, I decided to seek a diagnosis. 

My husband (who I've been with for 23 years) and who is the only person who completely knows me responded with...'why do you need someone to tell you, that you're a wee bit nuts!' and when I asked him on a scale of normal to 'nuts' where I fell he responded with...'depends what day it is!'  He's been very supportive and is coming with me on the day.

My mum on the other hand was shocked and surprised when I told her my suspicions, and said 'everyone is a bit weird in their own way'.  

My main worry is that when she filled out the form she basically wrote that she thought that I was completely normal Disappointed

I have become an expert over the years at copying and masking (most people probably assume i'm very sociable, but I find it very draining).  I'm really worried about my assessment on Friday.  What if I mask unintentionally, as it has become 'who I am'?

I wanted to start to write lists of all the reasons why I suspect I might be autistic, but am quite overwhelmed.

Could anybody even give me an idea of headings to start to categorise things by?

Any help much appreciated

x

Parents

  • I find it difficult to tell people what i struggle with as half the time i don't see it as a struggle? It is just who I am and that my brain works differently. The best thing to do is instead of sitting and writing a list, take a note book put with you and anytime you feel anxious, uncomfortable or are in a situation that confuses you make a note. It is easier to note down examples of things when they are happening than to sit and write a list.

    I hope that is somewhat helpful.  Keeping a journal is also handy. Everytime i feel some form of overwhelming emotion i make a note of what happened. It is useful for future reference if you need to explain to someone how a certain situation will make you feel as you have documented your exact feelings during that time. 

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  • I find it difficult to tell people what i struggle with as half the time i don't see it as a struggle? It is just who I am and that my brain works differently. The best thing to do is instead of sitting and writing a list, take a note book put with you and anytime you feel anxious, uncomfortable or are in a situation that confuses you make a note. It is easier to note down examples of things when they are happening than to sit and write a list.

    I hope that is somewhat helpful.  Keeping a journal is also handy. Everytime i feel some form of overwhelming emotion i make a note of what happened. It is useful for future reference if you need to explain to someone how a certain situation will make you feel as you have documented your exact feelings during that time. 

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