Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello everyone, I am new here and was just wondering if you can advice me or help me to go through this hard time.
My partner of 4 years has just left me, I am absolutely devastated and can’t accept it and move on, I don’t want to either, as I love him dearly. The thing is, he has ASD, and has been only recently diagnosed. I longed for affection and feelings, which he always struggled to show. I did not understand why until recently, but i also have my own issues, suffering from depression and anxiety. Anyway, i really can’t cope without him, I love him more than anything and want to work it out, but he has made his mind up and that’s it. Even though our relationship was hard work, it was also very good, and he is a man I love and cant imagine my life without. I am willing to give everything I can for us, for him, i would suggest relationship counselling etc, but i don’t know how to approach, whether he will be offended or annoyed etc. Please advice me the best way to communicate with someone who has ASD, i feel whatever i say he thinks I am wrong. He only sees one way, his way, anything else is wrong..
You've made the first move and I suppose it's his choice now, so just try and take care of yourself. I know it's really tough to lose someone you care about. I hope things work out for you both.
Yes, I sent him a long email and wrote all the reasons I believe we are good for each other. I tried to be as rational and clear as possible, he thinks with head rather than heart, I am total opposite. It didn’t change his mind. I am afraid that we will both lose something special, because he may believe that I will not understand his needs and inability to compromise. I am not saying its easy but i am just learning to come to terms with his ASD, i need time too, I hope with time he will change his mind. I love him unconditionally
Sorry to hear you're going through such a difficult time.
In terms of how autistic people communicate, we're all very different, so there isn't a standard approach I could recommend. However, one suggestion might be to write him a letter explaining how you feel. That would allow you to express everything you feel, as well as giving him the time and space to process that information.