Hi all, I posted a while ago about getting an autism diagnosis and I am now waiting for an assessment.
I am having a really really lonely and difficult time. Firstly I am struggling badly with all the symptoms of autism that I have had for years. Secondly, I feel as if my parents might have always known I had difficulties but covered it up. It sounds like a horrible thing to say but thinking back now there were so many things about me as a child which needed pointing out to someone and which I needed help for. I know I am 25 years old and maybe back when I was a kid my problems were abnormal and not something you'd see a doctor for. I dont know. My family is the sort to be ashamed of and cover problems sadly. I feel as though my mum also has symptoms of autism. Maybe she doesn't realise this herself. I could do with having a parent to come with me to my autism assessment but my dad passed away a few years back and I don't feel able to talk to my mum about my autism concerns. She will get too overwhelmed and then I will too and it will cause me to have a melt down.
I have lost friends lately too. No one ever treats me properly because I am easy to use and push around. I wind up getting hurt so much that I push people out. Now I have only one friend and I don't even understand or feel connected to her.
I have had to defer my studies at university and am having an awful time finding a job. Being around new people EXHAUSTS me. An hour of it is enough to cause me all sorts of harm and meltdowns. I need a job. My family don't know what's going on because I cant talk to them so they dont understand why I cannot keep up and lead a normal life like everyone else.
I am just trapped .. and lost. It's to the point where I really don't know what to do anymore and I am in such a dark and lonely place it doesn't feel like there is a way out. The only way out I see is dying. I have no help. It could take months to get an assessment. Years even. How do I keep on going. Life is so overwhelming and painful. Sorry for this awful pitiful post.
