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Waiting for assessment - having such a hard and lonely time. Suicidal feelings.

Jen25

Hi all, I posted a while ago about getting an autism diagnosis and I am now waiting for an assessment. 

I am having a really really lonely and difficult time. Firstly I am struggling badly with all the symptoms of autism that I have had for years. Secondly, I feel as if my parents might have always known I had difficulties but covered it up. It sounds like a horrible thing to say but thinking back now there were so many things about me as a child which needed pointing out to someone and which I needed help for. I know I am 25 years old and maybe back when I was a kid my problems were abnormal and not something you'd see a doctor for. I dont know. My family is the sort to be ashamed of and cover problems sadly. I feel as though my mum also has symptoms of autism. Maybe she doesn't realise this herself. I could do with having a parent to come with me to my autism assessment but my dad passed away a few years back and I don't feel able to talk to my mum about my autism concerns. She will get too overwhelmed and then I will too and it will cause me to have a melt down.  

I have lost friends lately too. No one ever treats me properly because I am easy to use and push around. I wind up getting hurt so much that I push people out. Now I have only one friend and I don't even understand or feel connected to her. 

I have had to defer my studies at university and am having an awful time finding a job. Being around new people EXHAUSTS me. An hour of it is enough to cause me all sorts of harm and meltdowns. I need a job. My family don't know what's going on because I cant talk to them so they dont understand why I cannot keep up and lead a normal life like everyone else. 

I am just trapped .. and lost. It's to the point where I really don't know what to do anymore and I am in such a dark and lonely place it doesn't feel like there is a way out. The only way out I see is dying. I have no help. It could take months to get an assessment. Years even. How do I keep on going. Life is so overwhelming and painful. Sorry for this awful pitiful post. 

Parents

  • Hi Jen, really sorry to read how you're feeling. It does sound like you need some support. Whilst we can't be there with you physically or at your assessment, you will find many kind and helpful people on here who can help you feel less alone.

    The moderators on the forum too are good at stepping in with helpful resources.

    Keep talking - it will potentially be a long wait for your assessment and talking here will help (it helped me when I was waiting).

Reply

  • Hi Jen, really sorry to read how you're feeling. It does sound like you need some support. Whilst we can't be there with you physically or at your assessment, you will find many kind and helpful people on here who can help you feel less alone.

    The moderators on the forum too are good at stepping in with helpful resources.

    Keep talking - it will potentially be a long wait for your assessment and talking here will help (it helped me when I was waiting).

Children
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