I’m aware that this may have been said a hundred times over on here (possible more!!) But, yeah... doing my research because it seems our daughter has some ASD traits and that has become a complete runaway rabbit hole of articles, videos, questionnaires for me too.
II’ve been keeping a list of “things I do” in my phone when they’ve struck me. Can anyone relate to these here? Also, is it worth pursuing a diagnosis for me? My priority is my daughter so I don’t want to get sidetracked. Would it be useful at all to go on the journey together so to speak?
Here are my little idiosyncrasies...
- Obsessions about topics. Like TTC or researching something before buying like car seats. The blog when my daughter was first born. The readers digest atlas of the world or Stephen king books or human anatomy books from being a kid. Learning songs and listening to them over and over and over. Guinea pigs. I’m generally known for going to the far end of a fart about things. I do this more when stressed.
- Feeling like I’ve never connected to anyone. Like, I have friends but never a close friend that I feel a true connection with. Always felt a bit of an outsider on the inside, a bit different but no idea why.
- Mum took me to the doctors when I was a kid as I never responded to my name. The doctor said I was just good at focusing. Even before I lost my hearing I would unconsciously block out sounds and kind of go inside my own head.
- People say I lack facial expression. I’m really difficult to read.
- I’m crap at small talk. I’ve never understood what to say or how people can think of things to say to people they don’t know. Nowadays I just copy what I’ve heard other people say if I feel like I have to.
- When I was younger I remember pissing off the other kids by taking things too far with a joke - pinching bottoms is the example that sticks in my mind most. Or blowing raspberries at my best friend.
- I never knew how to make friends. I would never go up to other kids and start playing. My sister did it all the time, but I just didn’t know how.
- I do a weird breathing thing where I breathe in and out in like a pattern or tune. I do it more when I’m stressed or driving as I can’t rub my feet together then. I also rub my toes and feet together all the time or twitch my thighs. I’ve been trying to stop but it feels weird to do nothing and like I’ll pop if I don’t do it. Maybe because I’m thinking about it too much. Biting the inside of my lips and cheeks.
- I crack my fingers a lot. More so when I am nervous. I’ve done this pretty much constantly since 8 years old.
- I’m not interested in celebrities or other people in general. I enjoy being around my friends because I know them, but I don’t like strangers because I don’t know how to interact with them. I have learned what to say but it’s not at all comfortable to me.
- i think I’m demi sexual I know I’m bisexual
- I can’t listen to the radio while I work, it’s too much.
- I really struggle to keep on top of the housework. I research and implement different strategies, apps on my phone etc, draw up timetables. But it all falls apart really quickly.
- At a restaurant I get the same thing pretty much every time. Depends on where I go. At an Indian it’s always the same dish. Always the same at the Italian etc.
- People always comment on how I eat my food. Apparently it’s weird how I cut up small pieces to have the ratios right of what I’m eating.
- I would collect things to do with hobbies that I’m interested in. Like when I was into scrapbooking and card making I collected so much stuff, literally hundreds of pounds worth and browsed websites, pinned ideas, joined forums etc. Or when I got into cloth nappies I collected tons of them, got into trading them and giving advice on them. Constantly checking selling sites for new ones. When I was addicted to pregnancy testing and bought literally hundreds of tests to test multiple times per day, using different brands and researching sensitivities, taking photos to look for front lines and analysing them for hours.
- I find it really awkward when people are upset, like when do they expect a hug? I usually just make a joke of being awkward and pat them. It took me ages to hug even my best friends in greeting or to say goodbye. I still have to pep myself up. I do enjoy hugging my husband but it feels awkward to approach him for one and is always awkward when we disengage again.
- A couple of times in the past when I have been really upset or angry I have slapped my own face to calm me down.
- When I’m playing the sims on the PC I play the same game over and over. There’s so much to it yet I just keep having babies.
- I’m pretty oblivious when there’s an “atmosphere” in a room. People will often ask me if I noticed such a such a person giving off a vibe and I’m like uh no.
- I physically cannot do mental maths. Or any working out under pressure. My brain just flatlines a beeeeeeep and will not cooperate.
- I have to carry pen and paper around with me and keep lists. If I don’t write something down it doesn’t get done.
- I never ever handed coursework or homework in on time. I couldn’t just get it done! I would stress and worry but never actually start it.
- I don’t think about the time. I have learned that I need to start to get ready by X hours before an event, or whatever, but I’m still pretty oblivious to time. Like, it just doesn’t register with me. I’ve tried to keep a log of how long certain tasks take so I can become aware, but that doesn’t work.
- I have always had a “work head” that I put on when I need to deal with people I don’t know. I sort of prepare for a situation by thinking okay you need to put your work head on and this means I assume my work personality and basically pretend to be confident at talking to people.
- I’m very passive in friendships. I don’t think to phone people or text them or invite them to do anything. It’s a good job my group of friends arrange things because I never do, it just doesn’t occur to me. So I’ve ended up being included in group things, but no one really asks me to do anything 1 to 1.
- I remember a college lecture where the tutor asked us to remember a string of numbers without writing them down straight away. We recalled them and wrote them down a few moments later. The point was meant to be that people only remember so many of them, but I remembered them all. Which is weird because generally my memory is rubbish.
- At school I always got into trouble for back chatting the teachers, but at the time I didn’t understand why they would ask me a question and I wasn’t allowed to honestly reply.
- A favourite game as a child was making car parks with my matchbox cars. I’d pick a spot in the garden and line them all up as precisely as I could in a car park arrangement.
- People have often commented on my flowery language. I often try to avoid using words people might think I’ve found in a thesaurus.
- I often make jokes that people don’t find funny or even seem to look uncomfortable at.
- When I am speaking to someone directly I am always assessing eye contact. Look in the eyes for so long, glance away, look at their hands, look at my own gestures. It’s always calculated. Their eyes are like two suns.
- I firmly believe that I learned how to be a good person from watching Star Trek the next generation.
- For some weird reason, even if I want to do a thing, as soon as I feel like I have to do it, it becomes the very last thing on Earth I want to do.
- It often takes a while for the “penny to drop” and I’m often left feeling very silly for not catching on sooner.
- I feel like I am very good at looking at things from everyone’s perspective. I don’t like to *** about people because I often feel sorry for the object of bitching. In a discussion about people I always tend to explore their possible reasons for their behaviour etc.
- Everything I think about is complicated. Like, my brain tries to drill down into increasingly complicated parts of a whole. Nothing is simple and nothing is black and white.
- Husband tells me that I can’t tidy a room properly. Instead I end up super organising one spot like a drawer, then run out of time.
- My ability to cope with stress is very limited. I often feel like my life is okay as long as nothing unusual happens. As soon as anything out of the ordinary is demanding my attention I start to feel very stressed out and anxious.
- When sat on the floor playing games with the kids I rock.
- For some reason I find it incredibly difficult to send cards or gifts. I forget every little part of the task that I need to do and it hangs around in my periphery reminding me of how crap I am until it gets too late to send the card and I end up feeling guilty.
- When I sneeze I don’t just do like one or two. I do literally ten in a row. I also sneeze at the sun.
- Ever since I moved out of home at 21 I’ve kept a spreadsheet of our household income and expenditure. I categorise the spend and use that to budget and forecast. I keep receipts and break down by category within each transaction.
oh gosh that is long, I’m sorry! And I’m adding to it all the time!!
