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Musing on how achievements can make life harder sometimes

Kras83

I don't mean this as a moan or a complaint, but more of just sharing some of the things I have thought over while I look back on past experiences and try to make sense of them.

Since being on the waiting list for assessment I have found that I spend an awful lot of time just thinking, sometimes its wondering if a particular thing could be explained by autism but its also often wondering what stopped me being picked up much earlier in life. A big part of my thoughts regarding that have been as to whether the fact that I have achieved good results in education served to cover up any problems early on, and later in adult life if when I've sought help but not known how to express the stuff going on inside people have just assumed upon finding out I managed a degree assumed that there can't be much wrong.

In school I had a lot of time off sick, especially in secondary school when I became ill enough with irritable bowel syndrome on transitioning from primary that I had to be transferred from the local grammar to the local high school. My school reports always comment on the large amount of absences and often describe me as quiet and needing to engage more in class, but also in pretty much everything apart from PE (abysmal reports) praise my accomplishments in the subjects. It makes me wonder (half jokingly) if things might have been different if I was less academically able. I'm not blowing my own trumpet there by any means - I'm not gifted, just learning seems to be my niche.

Later on when I was first out of University and struggling to find work that didn't terrify me, then signed off with anxiety whenever people would ask about education they always seemed to suddenly become less sympathetic the moment they hear the grade I achieved. People seem to form a snap judgement about you and never want to hear - sometimes actively shutting you down - about how much of a struggle the experience of University was, the amount of missed lectures because of hiding in the toilet, the amount of time spent sitting in a secluded spot thinking about suicide. This particular example is now long in the past so the 's' word need not cause alarm here.

Does anyone else identify with this?

Parents

  • I'm speaking in generalisations, of course, but I think that various achievements, and unfortunately especially academic ones, seem to increase resentment in others.  Others can then be all too happy to stick the boot in when that person fails to achieve something, with that something often falling into the domain of what they might, by way of a put down, describe as "common sense" or "general knowledge". 

    I've found that achievements can also increase expectations, with the underlying assumption that people will be "good all-rounders" rather than having a more "spikey profile".  This is exacerbated when the areas of achievement and failure are out of kilter with what is the prevailing pattern - e.g. many people will find exams hard and socialising easy, whereas for me it's the other way around.  There's incomprehension on both sides because I see exams as simply answering questions to which I have already been given an answer or a "how to", whereas social situations are more of an unknown.  Others seem to just sail into social situations but maybe need support with exams.    

    Mostly I find that people warm to others who are like them, people who share their struggles and interests.  The "birds of a feather" factor.  Others will therefore be met with understanding of a shared problem, while some of my issues have been met with incredulity.  The attitude seems to be one of, "How can someone who can do this not also be able to do that?"  e.g. "You've got all these qualifications so you'll surely not find driving difficult."

    These days I've given up expecting anything from such judgemental people.  They obviously can't relate to anyone having a skill set too different from their own.  So I make my plans accordingly.              

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  • I'm speaking in generalisations, of course, but I think that various achievements, and unfortunately especially academic ones, seem to increase resentment in others.  Others can then be all too happy to stick the boot in when that person fails to achieve something, with that something often falling into the domain of what they might, by way of a put down, describe as "common sense" or "general knowledge". 

    I've found that achievements can also increase expectations, with the underlying assumption that people will be "good all-rounders" rather than having a more "spikey profile".  This is exacerbated when the areas of achievement and failure are out of kilter with what is the prevailing pattern - e.g. many people will find exams hard and socialising easy, whereas for me it's the other way around.  There's incomprehension on both sides because I see exams as simply answering questions to which I have already been given an answer or a "how to", whereas social situations are more of an unknown.  Others seem to just sail into social situations but maybe need support with exams.    

    Mostly I find that people warm to others who are like them, people who share their struggles and interests.  The "birds of a feather" factor.  Others will therefore be met with understanding of a shared problem, while some of my issues have been met with incredulity.  The attitude seems to be one of, "How can someone who can do this not also be able to do that?"  e.g. "You've got all these qualifications so you'll surely not find driving difficult."

    These days I've given up expecting anything from such judgemental people.  They obviously can't relate to anyone having a skill set too different from their own.  So I make my plans accordingly.              

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