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Married with aspergers, but i like someone else

Steve

I have apsergers, i have been in a relationship for 10 years and am married with a child. i am happy with everything that i have but for the first time i have met somebody that makes me feel different. when i am with them i i feel hot and electric and i want to be close to them. it is going to ruin my marriage and i want to stop the feelings but i don't want to hurt this person as they have done nothing wrong and don't deserve to be abandoned. how do you manage or stop romantic feelings?

  • in reply to Gamma Shadow

    Thank you, your views have been really helpful 

  • in reply to Steve

    yes, I still feel love for my partner. But Love isn't a feeling. Its a decision and a promise. My heart doesn't flutter every time she walks in the room. I don't get butterflies every time she touches me. I am committed to being around for the times when they do. What we have built between us over the years is worth nourishing and protecting. Its almost like a shield against what you are describing. Its not like there are not women out there that i could have an amazing time with but that's just not enough for me. 

    You need to ask yourself when those feelings stopped for you and your partner. My wife "feels" that I love her so won't ever think that I don't. She feels loved because I know the things that make her feel loved and I make sure I do them. The same goes for her. In this we both see that the other is willing to work at it and it reaffirms our commitment to each other. If this kind of reciprocity doesn't exist then your relationship may be in trouble. If neither of you are feeling loved then you need to work out why.

  • in reply to Steve

    I've been here and felt the same. I knew that I wouldnt do anything about it though. I eventually realised that it wasent worth my time as he wasent the person I thought he was anyway

  • in reply to Gamma Shadow

    Thank you for your reply, do you still feel 'love' with your partner? i tried to talk to mine about how i have been feeling and she thinks i don't love her, and when i described my love for her she thinks it's not love.. i like how you describe the feeling as a 'flash of emotion' and i agree that is what it is and explained to my partner that i don't want a relationship with this person but i do crave those emotions that i no longer get with my partner.. 

  • I cant stop my own romantic feelings so I make sure I never put myself in a position where those feelings will be expressed. That is a conscious decision. I value my committed 25 year relationship more that exciting flashes of emotion. That's all they are, flashes. I'm honest enough with myself to know that looking outside of my relationship for satisfaction is avoiding problems with the relationship itself. Don't kid yourself about not "abandoning" this person, if you want them just accept that you want them.