I haven’t been posting much lately but it’s a year today since I had my assessment and diagnosis so I thought that I’d say ‘Hi!’ and write a post about it.
I remember on the evening of the 12th of December 2018, I nervously wrote and posted my first ever post on this forum. Introducing myself to the community. I’d been lurking for a while before then but I didn’t feel comfortable to join and post until I had the conclusive diagnosis. I’ve found support on this forum, friends too and a sense of solidarity with others who have had similar life experiences as myself as a result of our mutual autism.
My reflections on the past year:
I feel like I understand myself a lot better and I’ve been able to ‘let myself off the hook’ for character traits which I had previously assumed were me just being odd but that I now know are due to my autism.
I remain, in fact I am perhaps more incredulous at the ignorance shown by some people towards autistic people. My youngest daughter (2 years 10 months) was also diagnosed with ASD in August 2019. She has language delay and a lot of sensory issues. We went to watch my 5 year old’s school nativity play this morning. The head master didn’t want any buggy’s taken into the Hall. So I explained, my daughter is autistic and I need to keep her in the buggy to keep her contained otherwise she will be walking everywhere. He said “ok, but if she makes a noise then she’ll have to go out”. Sure enough as soon as she started grumbling (too many noises and people etc) he opened the door to show us out. I’m still seething about this!
I’m realising lately that I have previously unrealised MH issues. Or rather I’m pretty much phobic of being anxious (due to my mum being totally histrionic and faking anxiety a lot and me never wanting to be like her!) so I never admit to myself that I am anxious, I just over ride it and ignore it. But I’ve had this tightness on/off in my heart for over a year now (no other cardiovascular symptoms and ECG and d-dimor last year were clear when I went to the gp concerned that I had a blood clot in my heart). The local Health in Mind psychotherapist who assessed me the other day thinks I have General Anxiety Disorder (how did I miss that?). I was talking my physical symptoms through with a friend earlier and he says it’s exactly how he feels when he has a panic attack starting. He said it’s like I’m having panic attacks but not realising! I’m pretty sure this isn’t possible BUT I do recognise that there is a can of worms regarding self denied anxiety issues, just waiting to be opened!
I’m starting to realise how better to manage my (previously unknown) autism. I’m becoming more aware of energy levels etc.
The group that I started for Autistic women locally is also going really well so I hope that 2020 will see the local autistic community strengthen it’s friendship and grow in number. Already many events planned including a group visit to the zoo.
I’ll sign off now.
Hope you are all well?
