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Struggling around xmas

NAS64098

December and xmas is always a bad time for me and the struggles are creeping in more and more as it gets closer to the xmas break. I can feel my anxiety ramping up and im dreading it. 

I feel like im pressured to enjoy xmas, get told im too grumpy about it and get people telling me to 'cheer up its xmas' but this is my 2nd year estranged from most of my family, my birthday is very close to xmas and ive grown up with a birthday overshadowed by xmas, theres so much pressure to buy presents and visit people when id rather just stay home, and to add additional stress my doctor has decided to call me in for a complete medication review to look at changing my meds (after 8 months of stability)

Plus all the extra stuff playing on my mind with work issues, counselling appts and applying for an assessment. And im dreading my mum causing issues and mouthing off about me (due to our estrangement), like she did last year

Im starting to feel very worn down by it all and getting very on edge - i cant be the only one who dreads xmas?

How do you cope? 

Parents

  • You poor bunny, I do feel for you. I find the extra expectations to be sociable this time of year really wearying, too. I'm actually glad that this is my second Christmas in a row where I've been too ill to work so at least I've avoided the extra nonsense there. I'm sorry you also have work issues and lots of health-related stuff going on at the moment as well, I would find that really unsettling too. It does sound like you have a huge amount on your plate and I can totally understand you just needing some peace and quiet.

    Is there a way to break it up a bit to make it a little more manageable? For example, could you just visit for an hour and then go back home for your alone time, or go for a walk to get some fresh air and quiet part way through the day before heading back into whoever's home you're visiting? How much do they understand and accept your autism? If they don't get it and aren't receptive to it, I can imagine it will be a struggle.

    It's not the same thing, but it's my niece's 2nd birthday soon and they're having a family meal (both sides of the family) at their home in London this Saturday. Although my partner is really looking forward to it, I'm really not. It's a long drive for us (around 2.5 hours each way with traffic) and then a day full of kiddie noise and me masking constantly, not to mention my brother never caters to my food intolerances so I look rude in front of his in-laws for not eating what I'm served (they're foreign so there's a language barrier too), and then go home feeling hangry and knackered. Last night we decided to book into a Premier Inn just up the road from them so we'll be driving down the night before (to break up the journey) and I can have a lie-in and a full English breakfast in the morning which will keep me going all day, irrespective of what they serve. So now I find myself really looking forward to the Premier Inn, and the big family thing has become a minor necessary evil in an otherwise pleasant weekend. Of course, I'm sure I'll say differently come Sunday, but I'm trying to be positive for my partner's sake at least (he's paid for the hotel and will be doing all the driving).

    In terms of presents, we just circulate gift lists by email with links to the actual items we want and most of it usually comes from Amazon anyway, so there's no randomness, guesswork or crowds to deal with.

    Other than that, all I can say is plan your perfect birthday/Christmas day and set aside another day when you can make it happen so at least you have something to look forward to and will get the day you want eventually, if not on the day in question.

  • in reply to Nessie

    Sorry your off sick Nessie, although it does sound like a blessing in disguise! The premier inn idea sounds good, i hadnt thought of that. Dealing with the food issue and language barrier sounds tough! 

    I think the main problem is we live so far away from all our family, so visiting at xmas is never a quick nip round for a few hours. Our closest relative is 1hr 10 mins away by car, with another being 2.5hrs away and another 4 hrs away. But its always us who have to visit them and not vice versa for various reasons, and someone always gets offended if we dont visit!

    With presents, me and my bro do amazon lists but noone else will, and my OH is one of those people who is hard to buy for and everyone nags me for ideas for presents it drives me crazy! I struggle enough to sort my own present shopping 

    I have at least booked my bday off work and intend to stay home alone all day playing video games

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  • in reply to Nessie

    Sorry your off sick Nessie, although it does sound like a blessing in disguise! The premier inn idea sounds good, i hadnt thought of that. Dealing with the food issue and language barrier sounds tough! 

    I think the main problem is we live so far away from all our family, so visiting at xmas is never a quick nip round for a few hours. Our closest relative is 1hr 10 mins away by car, with another being 2.5hrs away and another 4 hrs away. But its always us who have to visit them and not vice versa for various reasons, and someone always gets offended if we dont visit!

    With presents, me and my bro do amazon lists but noone else will, and my OH is one of those people who is hard to buy for and everyone nags me for ideas for presents it drives me crazy! I struggle enough to sort my own present shopping 

    I have at least booked my bday off work and intend to stay home alone all day playing video games

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