My son is nearly 17. He is diagnosed autistic. Since aged 12 he has been increasingly abusive, mostly vebally and on occasion, when he melts down, physical, causing damage to the house and its contents and physically intimidating me, shouting in my face etc. I have called the police on many occasions but now he is nearly 17, they are saying they may prosecute with or without my agreement as they say it is domestic abuse. I am reluctant to cause further trouble for him, particularly as he is finally doing really well at college. It is partly this success and the fact that he is keeping his cool during the day that leads to the meltdowns in the evening.
As he gets older and bigger, and given that I am a single parent, I can see a day coming where his living with me is no longer sustainable.
Anyone got any thoughts/experience with trying to get their teens into independent housing?? Or do I need to prepare myself for the next leg of utter uselessness on behalf of the authorties!!!
Sorry I don’t have any relevant experience to offer feedback on what I did. I have 8 y/o non ID female twins one of whom is on the pathway for assessment. They will turn into teenagers at some point so am always on the look out for insight into what my lie in the future for ASD daughter.
I have to say I am struck by a sense that you are doing quite a lot on your own. I mean, jeepers, are you getting all the help you should already get, even before the whole question of independent living is raised??? I mean I love my ASD daughter to bits but there are days when her behaviour tests both me and her father and she is only 8!!!
The first place I would recommend is the NAS Helpline (0808 800 4104) just for a chat about your situation and some signposting to services local to you.
I hope you get some feedback from parents with direct experience too.
Best wishes and WELL DONE you sound like a fantastic Mum to your son x
Hi and thanks.
We been through the whole CAMHS thing with little or no practical help. Its all talking therapy which he finds extremely difficult. He has increasingly refused to attend as he finds he of no use so, if he not prepared to engage they can do nothing. Same with social services; I had a social worker for a while which was helpful for me as I could have a chat about stuff and get some reassurance, but because again, he refused to spend more than about 2 minutes with her, she faded into the ether. So yes currently I am unsupported.
If you already have a diagnosis at 8 years that is great. You can plan her education and establish the need to engage with services so she sees it as normal for her. Problem with my son was the late diagnosis and the fact he was let down by so many people before that. He has a massive distrust of adults so people like social workers and psychologists are 'the enemy'.
We only have one each - my colleague got 3 on the spectrum! It's all relative.
So if he's lost to adult professional help (I was most distrustful of the adult world as a teen - so I totally get that) sounds like he will only be inspired by peers; possibly from a youth support group held locally???
I just read something on the national PDA society website - the way they put it is about finding your tribe - i.e. connecting through FaceBook, web pages, Blogs, Vlogs. If CAMHS switches him off there'll be something out there that switches him on to opening up.
I'm just looking for local stuff for myself and my daughter - she hasn't had confirmed diagnosis yet - not expecting that until next Summer but in the meantime I will be tapping in where I can to other families locally to learn from them - better than any professional help. I recognise that it's hard though - especially if you are on your own.
Good luck x