Hi all,
I’m hoping you can help me and provide me with some advice on whether I’m looking at this in the wrong way.
My girlfriend is by far one of the best people I’ve ever met - We met online when we were young (Around ten years ago) and ended up meeting up after ‘e-dating’ for a while - we unfortunately broke up around a year later due to the distance but remained in on and off contact - but we eventually got together again around a year ago (as Adults, I’m 23 she’s 22) and are living with together.
Recently, her work has been extremely stressful for her and I sympathise, they treat her like ***.
However, because of this (I think it’s down to this) we keep having silly arguments and I’ve begun to notice that she lies to me quite frequently.
A couple of months ago she pretended to not get paid and spent around £800.00 when she knew full well we had issues paying our rent (Her job means that she’s only employed for 3/4 months at a time, so usually ends up being a month unpaid between the next one) and it was since then that I’ve noticed the lies.
Over the last 2 weeks she comes home from work extremely angry and spends the little time we have together (an hour or two at the most) getting frustrated with me. Whilst she’s at work she says she’s really busy and doesn’t possibly have the time to speak to me (this is partly true as I know full well that she is very, very busy on time sensitive stuff) but she then messages another guy that she works with (Not in any form of relationship way, I believe it’s purely platonic) Especially when she’s struggling with her colleagues and she wants to vent.
She then says that she wants to speak to me but didn’t message me until two thirds of the way into her lunch (20 minutes left) because she was spending time with 2 other guys that she really gets on with at work.
on another occasion she went on lunch, messaged me and then said she was going back to work because she was ‘bored’ but then went to vent to another person again.
I’ve told her that I don’t have an issue with her speaking to other people or spending time with them, I’ve even tried actively encouraging it and saying that it wouldn’t be an issue if she wanted to go out with them after work or anything etc, but I’m beginning to get really confused and frustrated with the lies.
I don’t think she means to lie, but I’m struggling to look at it in any other way than an NT view in terms of it being factual.
IE;
Says far too busy to speak to me, reads messages and doesn’t reply for hours (She is at work, so is busy) but then messages another person venting about work etc)
says she wants to speak to me over other people but doesn’t message until two thirds into her lunch break as she’s spending time with other people
Again wants to speak to me but then is instantly ‘bored’ as soon as going on lunch and says she’s going back to work but goes and vents to colleague again.
The time she then does spend with me she is very angry.
I’ve tried to explain it from my point of view, but she doesn’t understand, I’m not sure how to explain it to her or try and see it from any other way than factually which is the actions are literally the opposite of her words.
The examples above are in terms of her ignoring me to spend time with others, which I’ve repetitively said I don’t mind, but why does she lie to me or say she’s far too busy to speak to me yet can message others? It’s that I have an issue with, not the fact that she doesn’t always want to speak to me.
Any advice/other view points would be greatly received.
Thank you,
A x
