*Autistic Shutdowns collection* - Do you experience these ?

first thanks for responding. I just read your account and your shutdowns are causing you quite a bit of anguish. Basically they waste your time. That's the thoughts I get as well but they are really pissing you off. 

However as I read more and more about shutdowns it seems they are important and necessary.

Since starting this thread, I accept mine now and let them be. But I am lucky I am not distressed in any way.  I cant fight them, and to do so, makes things worse, It's like I have the deluxe version of shutdowns compared to you.

I experience the heavy feeling you mention and the painful eyes so that is interesting we have that in common.

thanks for adding to this collection your detail is excellent, expression of angst are valuable.

wishing you a shutdown free day

aidie 

Mine can be very obvious, and I’ve had them all my life.  I can be sat watching tv, or typing away at work and then I get this heavy feeling starting to creep in, and everything completely shuts down.  It looks like I’m falling asleep, but it’s not like that. It’s incredibly painful trying to fight up.  Sometimes it cans last a few minutes, and I go completely immobile and my eyes shut-keeping them open is so painful it’s like my body refuses to allow anything in.  I can hear people talking, but it’s like a distance noise and I can’t process it clearly or respond other than occasionally replying with a one word answer if it’s early stages still if a shut down.  Other times I’m like it for hours.  It interferes with my life, it’s embarrassing, it gets me noticed at work for the wrong reasons, it’s unproductive.  Sometimes as soon as I get home it happens, and I can spend hours completely unable to move, watch tv, listen to anything.  I just lie completely still.  And I can feel I’m annoyed if I have a lot to do but simply can not move until my body decides it’s ready.  

no Disambiguating Cynosure  this is very helpful. Every account is unique. You actually mention your thoughts which is a lovely detail for others to relate to and reference. This collection is really starting to look useful and you just made it better. 

Thanks DC for coming forward,  its a very useful account. I owe you a bun. 

couldnt find a bun  so i got u a doughnut   

Greetings, Anyone. I keep seeing this Thread appearing but held off saying anything, since, like the OP, I am uncertain of having "shutdowns". And My own reason is, in short, that I have certain illnesses which kick in before that happens, which kind of totally cause a 'shut down' anyway. I would also agree with a lot of Posters here, the first being RaindropsOnRoses there. Except I also do not think that I "stim". I just go blank, say nothing, do nothing, mostly as people are looking for an excuse at Me, to get angry, laugh, bully, point out "weirdness"... that sort of thing.

If I can run, then I do that; but if not, then My 'Illnesses' kick in (e.g. pain, asthma), and there is nothing else to be thinking about apart from self-preservation... or "shutting down" while thinking "Why is My life ending now after *such a Waste Of Time*...?!"

( Sorry if this is not helpful --- it is why I did not reply before. (!) )

Thankyou, Aidie.

Something else I'd add - what I described is actually an improvement of sorts!

When I was younger, especially early adulthood, I would often have melt-downs. Besides lots of shouting and possibly kicking and throwing things, I had a very strong flight impulse. If I could get away, which might involves barging my way through obstacles (and I would perceive other people only as "obstacles"), I might come around miles away from where I started. During my student years, there were many times when I came around in the middle of the countryside somewhere with no idea where I was or how I'd got there - often not dressed for the occasion!

I later discovered that if I focused incredibly hard on not acting on this impulse, I'd go into a shut-down instead. While shutting down isn't exactly the greatest experience in the world, it is obviously much safer than disappearing into the night, unknowingly taking whatever risks came along with that (I consider myself very fortunate not to have seriously injured myself, succumbed to exposure, or got myself picked up by the authorities and locked up!)

In regard to melt-downs, people often talk about "fight or flight", but as someone on another forum once pointed out to me, this might be extended to; "fight, flight, flop, fawn, or freeze". So, although melt-downs and shut-downs are very different in appearance, I believe that they are very closely related.

I think what you say could be expanded further, even. I try not to refer to them as "autistic" shut-downs, because I don't believe that they're an autism specific thing. It's common enough to describe oneself as "speechless" following shocking news, and profound lack of energy due to illness, sleep deprivation, lack of nutrition, or going into shock following an accident can have just the same effects on cognition and memory.

In the case of autism, I think it's better to think of it as our sensory sensitivities and the fatigue of masking etc. making us more prone to these states due to them putting our brains under more pressure than others would experience in the same situations. Hence why I divided mine into two categories; on the one hand, overwhelmed senses leading to this state, and on the other, the fatigue of burning out from exerting myself too hard to meet the demands of the world. There's some overlap between those, of course, and they also overlap with whatever other illnesses or situations might provoke them. For example, whenever I get a bad cold or flu, I often find that I shut-down more easily.

So, in your case, maybe not an either/or situation, but a combination of both.

you are absolutely correct -- i too am not sure either i am going to wait a while and maybe talk to my GP.  Your contribution is a useful reminder to be careful of self diagnosing when a blood test may find something else. Thanks DuckBread .

So... I'm also confused about this. I'll tell you what I experience, and then I'll tell you why I'm unsure!

1. I have times when I feel absolutely, flat-out exhausted - all I want to do is curl up in a dark, quiet room and sleep. I don't want any light or noise - even the TV is too much. I struggle to communicate and I find it hard to even imagine getting anything productive done. I usually feel this coming on throughout the day (e.g. during a particularly challenging day at work), but manage to stave it off until I get home.

2. The process is: feeling exhausted (sometimes with sensory overload); struggling to communicate (e.g. mixing up words); struggling to function (e.g. walking home is like walking through jelly!); heading to a dark room; lying quietly; usually going to sleep.

3. Afterwards, I feel groggy - as if I've slept for too long and can't come around properly.

4. The triggers seem to be sensory issues, stress, anxiety, emotional/information overload, and being overtired.

Why am I questioning whether these are shutdowns? I recently went to my doctor and have been referred to a specialist - it turns out I'm anaemic and may have been suffering from a chronic illness for years, without knowing it! The chronic condition they suspect comes with extreme fatigue, as do the symptoms of anaemia.

At this point, I'm not sure whether I'm experiencing autistic shutdowns, or just overwhelmed by the fatigue caused by my physical health conditions. I suppose the most important thing is not the question of whether it's a shutdown, but what you can do to take care of yourself (I know that I need to take it easier sometimes, and that's okay).

A cautionary note from me - it's always worth checking with your doctor if you experience symptoms like this. I have several symptoms that I've been putting down to autism and anxiety, but there's a lot going on inside my body that I'd completely overlooked!

your link document is the best I have seen. Absolutely brilliant,,,,  still reading 

awesome description of your shutdowns. I could feel your helplessness and vulnerability.  my shutdown pale into insignificance in comparison. I read your link as well. Thanks for this Trogluddite.

Before I describe my own experiences, here's a link that's been doing the rounds of autism websites for quite a while, and which seems to be found helpful by a lot of people - Shutdown (thing) by Zifendorf

My own experience, I'd split into two categories; short-term acute shut-downs caused by sensory or emotional overload, and longer-term impairments of function when I'm burned out.

The short-term overloads most often happen when I'm in an overstimulating environment with lots of noise and movement, particularly crowded social situations like socialising in a pub or club (the sound of lots of human voices all at once is a particularly strong trigger for me). They usually begin with me starting to feel very dissociated from my surroundings - the sounds around me become just a wall of noise that feels like it's closing in around me, and I stop being able to make sense of what I'm hearing. I often feel as if I'm unable to begin any kind of action; I become glued to the spot and become unable to speak.

If I do manage to move to get away from the sensory stimulus, I'm usually very unsteady on my feet, find it very hard to negotiate my way around obstacles, and can often be completely lost even in places which I'm otherwise very familiar with. If people notice that I'm struggling and try to help, I can't understand anything that they say to me and don't comprehend what they're trying to do. After a while, I just end up in a kind of "waxy catatonia" where my senses shut down completely so that I have no awareness of my surroundings, and my body becomes moveable by other people, but rigid, like a shop dummy or action figure toy.

Once I'm away from the overwhelming stimulus, I usually feel absolutely exhausted. I'll continue to be partly shut-down for a long time afterwards, during which time, there will be everyday skills and memories which I don't seem able to access - for example; I may still be mute, unable to read or write, have difficulty with navigation etc. If I've got as far as a total "catatonic" shut-down, it usually segues straight into deep sleep for several hours without me coming to my senses first.

During periods of being burned-out, the shutting down is more partial, and can affect almost any kind of skills or memory. I feel like I'm trapped in a bit of a bubble. I'll find it very hard to initiate any kind of task, and when I try to, often find that I'm unable to remember how to do what I want and have great difficulty coordinating my movements. In particular, my ability to communicate goes completely to pot, whether spoken or written - I just can't organise my thoughts enough to respond to even the simplest of questions and I have to go completely incommunicado until I recover, as any attempt to overcome this strains my brain such that I shut down even further. Lots of rest and sleep, and avoiding any kind of external demands, are the only route to recovery that I've ever found effective.

yea it helps the fact they last months for you is pretty extreme. mine last hours. just shows you the massive variation in these traits. Thanks for your account it adds to the collection which is awesome.

I have experienced shutdowns all my life. Sometimes they last days, sometimes months. I didn’t know they were shutdowns until I was diagnosed last year. I have now learnt some new words, stimming, shutdowns, alexithymia, burnout etc. I prefer the word burnout, as this is more descriptive of how I feel.

I managed to teach myself an old country craft. This meant I was able to work on my own in woodland for days, only seeing girlfriend and family. Unfortunately, there was a payback for this long period of being mostly unsociable. My condition worsened and I ended up in a mental health hospital. Initially I thought it was depression that had dogged my life, but at my first consultation with a psychiatrist, he said I was pretty obviously autistic. I was subsequently diagnosed at a number of further meetings before they would release me.

I don’t know the best way to emerge from a period of shutdown. I have found a period of self-help and low level SSRIs gradually pulls me out.

A number of autistic people have said my job sounds great, as it involves little contact with others, but I feel that a better mixture of socialising and not socialising would be healthier.

I don’t know if that was any help.

yea i find it very hard to due, I am quite serious the Art of dong Nothing ( just work at your own pace ) turns the table sometimes and put the pressure back on the manage or whoever is piling on the work. It brought calmness to the situation which was high streaks/pressure. We all work best when relaxed. 

It is linked to the Art of War and Zen buddnism which I aspire too. I have goldfish honest lol.

anyway I  have gotta go get ready for work tomorrow ie take my halloween make up off 

Ha!

Do you have a mountain of work building, maybe a good idea. 

Maybe you could hide behind the mountain when you boss comes looking for you.

In all seriousness my condition could not allow work to build I would explode. 

yea i have lost at least one job due to my autism.I also am trying different approaches. My favorite is the "Art of Doing Nothing". 

eg If things are getting behind I just apply "the Art of Doing Nothing" for a while to see what happens 

Okay so it is not just me, these things tend to happen to me then I have a massive meltdown then everyone hates me then they torment me then I either get fired or quite because I can't stand it anymore. 

Each time these things happen I try different approaches like letting the boss know what's happening (fail as they reason by this person can't cope with the work load he's letting the team down ect).

Speaking to the person directly (fail they let their ego get in the way then become negative).

Asking someone else for help(fail they help but then stop as it effects there work and they complain to the boss who then asks why I'm not able to do the work if I tell the truth then the person training me will just make out that it's my fault to wich I can't respond.

yep that would cause me to shutdown. I now spent the weekend shuttingdown, resting  mediating etc to recover for another week ahead. What you just described would make very upset and lead to a large or daily shutdowns.

Today I feel exhausted I've been in bed all day the weekend has flowen buy and I dread going into work tomorrow.

I've been allocated a new responsibility which I was meant to be trained on,

(someone spent half a day quickly explaining then left me to it then gave me the work to do on my own and dissappeared). 

So being confused and having no one to ask, then watching the work build up is super stressing me out and every time I ask this person for help they say "yeah sure", then disappear and they are quite senior also it really effecting me.

Has anyone here felt completely mentally and physically exhausted by similar circumstances. 

no this is a great account.  you get these everyday wow that is quite a lot. going to the country side would lower your anxiety so keep doing that :)

thanks for this detailed account with added prevention tips !