*Autistic Shutdowns collection* - Do you experience these ?

anyone like to add their personal experience of shutdowns here  for the benefit of all those that follow ?

The following may or may not be meltdowns(?) but I'll add as it seems that variation of experiences as to what somebody considers to be a 'shutdown' seems to be welcomed here.

I'll be interested to learn if what I put here is deemed/categorised as something else.

I have at times had periods in which there is so much pressure in some form that I cannot vocalise and become capable of only maybe stuttering before I stop trying on that front and then I can dissociate. My mind/spirit feels detached from my body, the world kind of silences out and my thoughts I guess become more still and clearer or like a bubble or cotton wool covered effect. This is perhaps not surprising if my body/nervous system has elected to deaden my senses. Presumably it's a kind of protective coping mechanism.

As the dissociation feeling has set in ((funny to call it a feeling as it's more a lack of feeling)), I may wish to self harm.

So, that's the experience in the moment ^ - so that kind of covers 1 and 2 below.

1. list the symptoms
2. describe the process you experience
3. describe how you feel afterwards please
4. what triggers it / is there always a trigger ?

4. what triggers it. In this nervous system shutdown thing, it's tended to have been brought on by intense feelings of shame and following a meltdown (for which shame was also a trigger). Part of the shame is of my own for say melting down but also my perception (which may be misperception, who knows?) of other people's contempt or disgrace(?) of me.

3. Afterwards, I may feel really quite shaky. Like an athlete coming off a bike in a triathlon if they've pushed themselves really hard. Also the mind is really shaky, like "What just happened? Oh, did it." You could tell me that 100 people just died in front of my eyes and I'd have a dispassioned 'oh' response. I'm generally a person that has a tendency to care too much sometimes and so it's quite interesting that this protection mechanism (if I can call it that) makes me do the opposite, to momentarily just not care at all.

In one early case (aged 16 or so), I lay in a room on holiday crying for a couple of days without seeing my family there. Sometimes I might recover in say several mins (time gets very elastic so I don't know how long really) to be able to talk and walk but the after effects may linger for significantly longer. Such as the 'disaffected' sense. So recovery times kind of vary.

How often do these experiences happen to me? I don't really know. I'll explain under point d) below why it is hard for me to say.

Here's a bit more info to help qualify things a bit.

a) I don't know if there's meant to be a distinct difference between dissociation and shutdown, or whether there's kind of a bit of crossover of the two.

b) I had a traumatic childhood involving physical abuse from the advent of my earliest memories, so the experiences I describe here may or may not be autism/Aspie related as far as I know.

c) I have type 1 diabetes and low blood glucose levels could conceivably play a factor in these. I know that with meltdowns, low blood sugar definitely ups the risk of meltdown for me (so can alcohol). I'm less certain of a link between low blood sugar and this kind of nervous system shutdown thing, however.

d) If I have either meltdowns or this kind of dissociation/shutdown effect, parts of my memory around it get wiped. It's like a corrupted disc. Some of the memory is there but, because of memory unreliability around this, I couldn't say 'defend myself against' someone if they said that I'd said or done X or Y.

In recent years, I've taken to writing down journal entries of my meltdowns (some of which were followed by this shutting down kind of effect).

I am no expert but to me you are having shutdowns. Shutdowns are really discussed much thus this collection.  S0 thanks for adding your experiences. Having type 1 diabetes is an added complication is your account then hey  they this will be useful for something with the same mix as you to read, so that detail is good. 

Thanks this account is most useful. A shutdown with Diabetic twist.

PS please mention your shutdowns in any autism diagnostic meetings.

As I say, I suspect the blood sugar is not a factor in the shutdowns/dissociative feelings but it would be remiss if I didn't mention this as a co-condition that I have.

It's been really interesting reading some of the posts here (not all simply because so much (great) info). Thank you for encouraging people to put their experiences together.

As I say, I suspect the blood sugar is not a factor in the shutdowns/dissociative feelings but it would be remiss if I didn't mention this as a co-condition that I have.

It's been really interesting reading some of the posts here (not all simply because so much (great) info). Thank you for encouraging people to put their experiences together.