How do I get diagnosed?

Hi all,

I have had the typical symptoms of being on the spectrum - feeling socially awkward to be point of running away from social gatherings, unable to do small talk, being "normal", feeling emotionally overwhelmed when things do not turn out as expected - I have been through and still coping with self-harm and alcohol and medication abuse. I struggle badly under stress, the best to describe it is that I suck up all negative experiences like a sponge and am unable to release them. The older I get the more this has compromised my life and the less it needs to throw me off balance. In the recent few years I have been through losing three jobs, a divorce and being stripped off my savings through making bad decisions. I am now on basic UC benefits, and at the mercy of a good friend who knows me better than health care professionals do to give me free abode. And.... I am still not diagnosed.

My story began being branded as a challenging child that needed correcting. In the 80s in the country doctors knew nothing of mental health conditions until patients had become self-absorbed mumbling zombies. I was told repeatedly that I was wrong and had to be somebody different in order to be accepted and fit in. So I followed suit, put a smile on at day but rage at night as much as I could. In my 30s one breakdown followed after the next. I saw a series of psychologists and psychiatrists, all only advised to take pills. I was still made to feel that I was wrong and should change attitude. 

I believed that a turning point had arrived when my son from my broken down marriage was diagnosed with autism, after he showed same symptoms at school. My first request to my GP to get assessed got blocked off with her overquick and in retrospect unqualified judgment that literally "I was coping". Shortly after I had a suicide attempt and was in hospital where I saw the mental health team. I was given the questionnaire to assess Adult Autism and received a number of home visits, but after I was assessed that I was out of danger to harm myself, I was discharged and my questionnaire was not followed up. (I had assessed myself and scored 42 out of 50). Following a further number of breakdowns and a severe panic attack I sought help from the local mental health team, only to get again disappointed (files were lost, teams changed, even a psychiatrist who said that I was not displaying symptoms of autism) and the being told that they only could offer either CBT or medication. After pushing my GP for months he finally accepted to send a referral to the autism assessment team. After several months without receiving a reply my GP chased my referral case and was told that my paperwork got lost ! Months onward I have now received a reply from the Adult ADHD Service and Autism Assessment & Behavioural Genetics Clinic of the South London and Maudsley NHS Trust, I quote

"We are writing to let you know that unfortunately NHS Barnet CCG has declined .... funding with their recommendation that .... be referred to the Barnet's Autism Screening Service. Therefore, we have discharged .... from our caseload." The letter was computer created, not signed, no signatory.

What is this supposed to mean? Is the NHS methodologically exercising psychoterror on those who mentally and emotionally are already vulnerable and susceptible to such treatment, while they put on a display in public that they are putting more funding into this department of public health care? I still feel that Jim, Jack and Johnny are a better help than any person who's been to uni for 6 years and thinks that their opinion is better .

I do not have funds to go down the private route, I am at the mercy of NHS bureaucrats who do not know me, who do not want to assess me, and who do not care if my suffering goes on. I am a victim of a system that has become anonymous, where decisionmakers do not disclose their name, have a phone number or email address to contact, where decisions cannot be appealed. Even in history - 80 years ago in a country not far from the UK - murderers had the humanity and guts to sign papers with their name.

It sickens me that the South London and Maudsley NHS Trust, who decided to discharge me,  were nominated as finalists for the Autism Professionals Awards by the NAS, and it deems only fair that the NAS be made aware of how they really work.