Any advice on being assessed for autism?

Well you have certainly arrived at the right place! Unfortunately you may have to wait a longish time for the assessment but it does seem from what you have said that you are autistic-I am by no means any kind of authority on the matter but what you have said about yourself is virtually identical to what I have been going through (I have had 60 years of it though!) I have not thrown myself down the stairs yet but when young I used to climb up things-cliffs, sides of buildings, etc, and I knew it was dumb and that if I fell I'd die but I used to tell myself I didn't care because  I saw no way out of the state of mind I was in and that consequently  I would never be able to build up any kind of meaningful life for myself as everything I tried turned to crap and I could never communicate anything significant and never felt understood by anyone, ever. It was a half-arsed, near suicidal strategy, I did not have the courage to actually kill myself but thought that if I carried on doing it I'd eventually have a fall and that would be that. I became very good at climbing things though-crucially the hanging on by the fingertips and I began to see my entire life that way so gave up the practice 

Fortunately for you, the world is very different now and you will find that more people you encounter on this journey will know exactly what you are talking about and as you are so young you will have plenty of time to develop more effective coping skills and learn about all of the ways that the condition works on thought and communication with others.

There is no cure for this though-it is as a direct result of the way that our brains are structured and this was all in place at birth- I do not know the actual neurological mechanics of the brain but I have seen numerous references to how our brains are "wired up" differently thus excluding certain outcomes in our interactions and almost guaranteeing others because our circuitry will not allow for anything else.

We take this personally and see it as a "failing", evidence of perhaps even culpable inadequacy or just plain old stupidity but it is not our fault and as most of us, I am sure put an enormous amount of effort and energy into trying to fill in all of the gaps we perceive within ourselves it most certainly is not laziness or apathy. 

So,make the most of whatever resources you are able to access in this pre-diagnosis period, it's all going to be about management and coping strategies- there is nothing else but at least you will know what you are dealing with and will find support from a number of sources. 

A crucial solid fact that you must never leave sight of is that we had no choice in any of this and have struggled all our lives with a condition which at times to me seems like an act of genetic spitefulness, we have done no wrong but frequently pay the price demanded of the guilty.

Remember that you are still very, very young and that now you have (presuming again!) the knowledge that it is autism you are starting off from a far more advantageous position than most with this condition down the ages so you still have masses of potential and genuine hope for a far better life-Good Luck!

Well you have certainly arrived at the right place! Unfortunately you may have to wait a longish time for the assessment but it does seem from what you have said that you are autistic-I am by no means any kind of authority on the matter but what you have said about yourself is virtually identical to what I have been going through (I have had 60 years of it though!) I have not thrown myself down the stairs yet but when young I used to climb up things-cliffs, sides of buildings, etc, and I knew it was dumb and that if I fell I'd die but I used to tell myself I didn't care because  I saw no way out of the state of mind I was in and that consequently  I would never be able to build up any kind of meaningful life for myself as everything I tried turned to crap and I could never communicate anything significant and never felt understood by anyone, ever. It was a half-arsed, near suicidal strategy, I did not have the courage to actually kill myself but thought that if I carried on doing it I'd eventually have a fall and that would be that. I became very good at climbing things though-crucially the hanging on by the fingertips and I began to see my entire life that way so gave up the practice 

Fortunately for you, the world is very different now and you will find that more people you encounter on this journey will know exactly what you are talking about and as you are so young you will have plenty of time to develop more effective coping skills and learn about all of the ways that the condition works on thought and communication with others.

There is no cure for this though-it is as a direct result of the way that our brains are structured and this was all in place at birth- I do not know the actual neurological mechanics of the brain but I have seen numerous references to how our brains are "wired up" differently thus excluding certain outcomes in our interactions and almost guaranteeing others because our circuitry will not allow for anything else.

We take this personally and see it as a "failing", evidence of perhaps even culpable inadequacy or just plain old stupidity but it is not our fault and as most of us, I am sure put an enormous amount of effort and energy into trying to fill in all of the gaps we perceive within ourselves it most certainly is not laziness or apathy. 

So,make the most of whatever resources you are able to access in this pre-diagnosis period, it's all going to be about management and coping strategies- there is nothing else but at least you will know what you are dealing with and will find support from a number of sources. 

A crucial solid fact that you must never leave sight of is that we had no choice in any of this and have struggled all our lives with a condition which at times to me seems like an act of genetic spitefulness, we have done no wrong but frequently pay the price demanded of the guilty.

Remember that you are still very, very young and that now you have (presuming again!) the knowledge that it is autism you are starting off from a far more advantageous position than most with this condition down the ages so you still have masses of potential and genuine hope for a far better life-Good Luck!

Thank you so much for your kind response. I certainly feel that I have found the right place. I am very very worried though about the months ahead and trying to get the right diagnosis. I am worried about not being taken seriously but I really do feel as if I have autism. 

The trouble is that I find I hide the struggle so well I think I am worried that I might still hide it when speaking to doctors etc. I have such a desire to act normal and have done ever since I can remember. I guess I am just tired of doing it. 

I hope if I do receive the right diagnosis I may not have to put on such an act anymore. 

I don't know if these are also signs of autism but I am extremely sensitive to being touched and this can cause me to have a meltdown. I also have this weird fear of being in my house alone. And routines I must stick to. And like, if someone looks me in the eye and asks me a question I can only focus on the eye contact and the question won't even sink in. Sometimes someone asks me a question and I can't even speak back. I don't know. So many things. 

Thank you :)