Struggling with this sick world - dealing with a losing streak

I am in a really bad state and struggling with things, so many things I could talk about, have had to rewrite this post several times.

So I wanted to focus on one theme, which is dealing with a losing streak.

With my interests I collect things which I look for on ebay and gumtree, now did a usual search on gumtree and a post appeared which wish would turn up, and have not found yet in years of searching. So it was posted yesterday, I message seller, and got a quick reply saying someone is due to collect it.

So I feel bad because of it, but those feelings seem to be so much deeper than they have been in the past, it does "touch" in to suicidal feelings. I think it maybe because of change in situation, I am not working after many years working full time and am living as a recluse.

So I lost this one, usual feedback is, you lost this one, but may win next one that comes up. I have these thoughts that someone or something is in control of these events and intentionally blocking these for me.

The last time I remember winning was about 6 years ago, and since then I have lost 47 times since including this one. The odds just seem so unrealistic and I can't accept that as realistic probability.

It stresses me out so much, I then go and check my processes for checking thinngs. I even wrote some software for doing the searching for me. 

I just can't see a way past this

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  • I get it. Both my partner and I feel we are naturally unlucky people. After all, "luckiness" is a bell-curve, right? And we are most definitely at the bottom end of it.

    Like you, we've been having a run of particularly bad luck for the last couple of years, and it's really getting us down too. It seems like every email or official letter that comes in the post has an error, and the onus is on us to chase them to fix it. And I'm ill and I don't have the energy to chase things, but, if I don't, then I'm left falsely accused of wrong-doing and/or financially out of pocket. On the rare occasion that we purchase something or get advice about something (i.e. initiate the correspondence/transaction rather than being on the receiving end of it), we always end up with the damaged thing or the 'error' that results in incorrect advice being given, which is then on us to resolve. I accept that people and organisations will make mistakes from time to time because people are human and IT systems have bugs, but it ALWAYS seems to be our case that gets screwed up. One would think, just with the law of averages, sometimes things would follow the process and go as they should, but they never ever do for me or my partner and it really wears us down to the point that we both feel suicidal at times.

    Articles like this one have suggestions about improving your luck, and there is no doubt some truth to having a positive mindset and expanding your horizons https://www.inc.com/melissa-chu/want-to-become-luckier-heres-what-you-need-to-do-a.html. However, we have worked so hard and sacrificed so much to try to get out ahead, but we simply never win. Even the most mundane non-events and boring everyday occurrences seem to always get screwed up for us by others, and we have no idea how to insulate against that because no one would think in a million years that these things could possibly be done wrongly in the first place. And then you have to phone and write and fight, first to convince people there has been a mistake ("But that's not possible!" they say; "Well, it is and it has," we say), and then they have no clear process to fix it and pass it to someone else whom you have to convince all over again and so it goes on. Then, even once it's been resolved, a couple of months later it comes back to bite you because they've updated their system or there's some other glitch and it's been reopened and regenerated and you have to start all over again. The damn things never go away, and, in the meantime, more problems have come through the letterbox.

    At best, I have "negative luck", by which I mean that things could have been worse, such as:

    • My massive internal bleeding and emergency laparotomy that turned out to be endometriosis rather than ovarian cancer as initially suspected.
    • My debilitating, unrelenting dizziness and nausea which turned out to be vestibular migraine rather than a brain tumour as initially suspected.
    • My ridiculously restrictive intolerances to gluten and dairy, which at least are only intolerances so I have no risk of anaphylaxis/death.

    By contrast, my brother has "positive luck" (i.e. your classic definition of luck). Examples include:

    • He and his investment-banker friends, all of whom earn well over £150k a year, won a competition with a holiday company that saw the cost of their week's golfing jolly in Spain fully reimbursed.
    • He was awarded a cash prize for a race he never entered despite him repeatedly explaining they had made a mistake and he hadn't paid an entry fee/wasn't part of the race etc., they continued to insist he had won rather than seeing they had made an obvious administrative error.
    • He still had his student account with £1,500 interest-free overdraft TEN YEARS after graduating despite him clearly receiving a salary of over $10k a month (and he invested the interest-free overdraft in stocks and shares and made a heap of money off that too); meanwhile, that same bank contacted me within 4 weeks of graduating insisting that I move onto their standard-fee current account and repay my overdraft or pay the commercial interest rate on it despite me being ill and not working/not seeking work.

    Essentially, life is unfair but no one ever said it was fair. However, for my partner and I at least, the "expect nothing" approach needs to extend as far as "never expect a single thing or a single person to ever do their job even vaguely properly when it comes to our particular case." It's kinda reassuring to know that unlucky people don't live as long. Rather than getting upset about it, we are both learning to say, "Of course they did," or "Of course it has," every time something goes wrong now (which is literally multiple times a week). Then, every so often, when it all builds up and gets too much we have a big rant and a good cry and just agree between us that life is properly sh*te but this is our lot. It's sad, especially because we're both such lovely people; in some ways we feel the only good luck we've had is in meeting each other because at least now we have someone who understands.

    I'm sorry this isn't more uplifting, but I just wanted you to know that you're not alone in your relentless bad luck, which I hope, at least, is of some comfort.

  • Thanks for your long post, it does help to feel I am not alone in this. I am extremely protective doing a ton of research for any decision I have to make to ensure I avoid any pitfalls or negative result. I'm still struggling, after the event that I felt so desperately down last week, I have tried so hard to get me to continue in what I am doing, rather than give up. Something else will come up at some point I kept saying. It did on Monday, have been following one seller, and he posted an item which is very collectable and very hard to find at a knock down price. I missed it though, don't know how, but I got stuck in to researching another thing, and had a break in my checking of about 12 minutes, by the time I caught up with it, It had been listed and sold within that time. Has pushed me further down. It would have helped me immensely,lifting my spirits and could have made £100 on selling it which would come in handy now I don't have a job

  • Hey, you're welcome. It does sound like you are doing everything you can to avoid the pitfalls, but you just have really rotten luck. That's so frustrating and I do understand.

    All I can suggest is try not to dwell too much on what might have been. Perhaps, even if you had won that last listing you may not have sold it for £100 profit because—given your bad luck—you would have made a loss.

    Are there any other things you can do alongside this? Perhaps something where fortunate timing doesn't play such a big role? If you're not ready to give up this, maybe you can take the pressure off by diversifying a little so at least it's not the end of the world if it doesn't go to plan every day.

    Take good care.

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  • Hey, you're welcome. It does sound like you are doing everything you can to avoid the pitfalls, but you just have really rotten luck. That's so frustrating and I do understand.

    All I can suggest is try not to dwell too much on what might have been. Perhaps, even if you had won that last listing you may not have sold it for £100 profit because—given your bad luck—you would have made a loss.

    Are there any other things you can do alongside this? Perhaps something where fortunate timing doesn't play such a big role? If you're not ready to give up this, maybe you can take the pressure off by diversifying a little so at least it's not the end of the world if it doesn't go to plan every day.

    Take good care.

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