Struggling with this sick world - dealing with a losing streak

I am in a really bad state and struggling with things, so many things I could talk about, have had to rewrite this post several times.

So I wanted to focus on one theme, which is dealing with a losing streak.

With my interests I collect things which I look for on ebay and gumtree, now did a usual search on gumtree and a post appeared which wish would turn up, and have not found yet in years of searching. So it was posted yesterday, I message seller, and got a quick reply saying someone is due to collect it.

So I feel bad because of it, but those feelings seem to be so much deeper than they have been in the past, it does "touch" in to suicidal feelings. I think it maybe because of change in situation, I am not working after many years working full time and am living as a recluse.

So I lost this one, usual feedback is, you lost this one, but may win next one that comes up. I have these thoughts that someone or something is in control of these events and intentionally blocking these for me.

The last time I remember winning was about 6 years ago, and since then I have lost 47 times since including this one. The odds just seem so unrealistic and I can't accept that as realistic probability.

It stresses me out so much, I then go and check my processes for checking thinngs. I even wrote some software for doing the searching for me.

I just can't see a way past this

Parents

Former Member over 6 years ago

Hi, sorry to hear you are feeling down.

I’m not sure I have completely understood your winning and losing theme.

If I have understood it correctly, you have been searching for something for a long time, and when this something did become available, you missed out? Is that right?

Sounds a bit like a metaphor.

If you have suddenly found yourself out of work after a long time in employment, I’m guessing social contact has been minimal of late. This can be unsettling. I have been called a recluse and a hermit during my life. I suggest you search for an autistic meet up group in your area.

If you are over 40, #AutisticElders have mentors who help people through difficult periods. https://www.genxaspie.com/autisticelders-advice-line/

This forum is a good place to access friendly and helpful advice. Graham.

Reply

Former Member over 6 years ago

Hi, sorry to hear you are feeling down.

I’m not sure I have completely understood your winning and losing theme.

If I have understood it correctly, you have been searching for something for a long time, and when this something did become available, you missed out? Is that right?

Sounds a bit like a metaphor.

If you have suddenly found yourself out of work after a long time in employment, I’m guessing social contact has been minimal of late. This can be unsettling. I have been called a recluse and a hermit during my life. I suggest you search for an autistic meet up group in your area.

If you are over 40, #AutisticElders have mentors who help people through difficult periods. https://www.genxaspie.com/autisticelders-advice-line/

This forum is a good place to access friendly and helpful advice. Graham.

Children

NAS63716 over 6 years ago in reply to Former Member

Hi

Yes, that's right; I know it appears to be an unimportant problem, but that's not how it feels, much more intense than I have felt in the past.

Having said that, it's not the only thing that's happening to me which is feeling bad, just want to try and focus on this one.

There are more widespread things that I have lost out to throughout my life and think this may be an "extension" to those as well. I have tried so hard for things to be good and work out.

Practically, every significant decision I have made has back-fired in some way, and external events which are not based on any decision I make, I have ended up on the loosing side of how it affects me.

I just can't accept why I seem to end up on the losing side of things, somewhere around 95% of the time