Published on 12, July, 2020
There are times at work where I find myself sitting there not doing anything and it gets me down when it happens.
Some background:
I work for a large organisation. I work in the comms team, made up of about 15 people, some have left due to a re-shuffle. My job specifically is working with a press officer (let's call him Chuck!) who is visually impaired and needs someone to work with him. I'm the third assistant he's had, previous were both men.
My previous job was a social media, marketing esque job that I enjoyed but had to leave (I'll probably go into that another time) but I enjoyed the nature of the job. I liked the creative aspect of it.
I get to do some things that are somewhat creative. In particular we'll go take some photos or film people for a story and I enjoy the video side of it. I actually enjoy video editing, as time consuming as it can be! I also do some social media which can be fun, but also tedious.
But aside from that? It's... Fine, I guess. I prep a press release here and there, find a phone number, upload an already written blog post, spellcheck stuff. Not fulfilling for me.
There are some days (like today) where I have barely anything to do. If I do do something it's something that takes a minute. It makes me feel useless and not needed. On top of that it's boring and I feel unprofessional. I find myself scrolling through social media or doodling most of the time. It makes me uncomfortable.
This did lead me to have what I guess you would call a breakdown a few months ago. I'd been on hormonal medication that was making me feel off for a while but things just quickly escalated and I blew up. So they know it's an issue for me, but not much has been done about it. They also know I'm Autistic.
When I enjoy my job, I really do enjoy it. I like working with Chuck, I like (most) of my colleagues, I get to wear what I want (very important to me!) and so on.
I'm just wondering what I can do? It really does get me down when it happens. I wish the way I work could be different. There's no structure, I never know what I'm gonna do that day, which is not great for an Autistic person.
(Sorry I know this was long!!)
Depending on how well you get on with your line manager, it might be helpful discussing how you feel with them. It's part of a line manager's role to get the most from you, and saying that you'd like to do more is a benefit for your organisation, so a good line manager would be receptive to this. Where I've worked I've asked if there's anything else I can help with a few times, and usually line managers have been quick to find me something.
The other thing that sometimes works is if you have an idea for something you could do that would benefit the work that the Comms team does. That way its a win-win for you and your team. Though maybe depends on whether new ideas are encouraged or not where you work. I've worked in teams where I've been allowed to less busy periods to pursue little projects that I've come up (I have a statistics/data science job so these are usually around improving data quality or efficiency). Though I have also had colleagues dislike this, so yeah, depends on the colleagues you work with.
I'm not really sure how I feel about my line manager. I always feel so awkward around her. I don't hate her but things don't feel right. I get the feeling she doesn't like me much.
I've asked to try out more things before. If I ask again maybe I need to word it a bit better. I don't always express my feelings well and probably come off badly.
I do think that if I am asking to do more it at least shows I am at least determined and want to get a lot out of this.