Hi,
I'm just going to describe the symptoms and see if anyone can relate.
When I listen to music I like I become completely overwhelmed with emotion. For instance I was listening to Hanz Zimmer - Time the other day and could not hold back tears and I was experiencing full body shivers. That is the reaction I generally have to classical. When I listen to other genres like old school hip hop, or metal (I have very eclectic taste) I get super pumped but after 1 or 2 songs I feel insanely frustrated and anxious and have to sit in silence or listen to rain/storm sounds for a while to calm down. I have always experienced adverse reactions to music but it's only since my diagnosis I think this is related to autism.
This had obvious impacts on my social life (when I had one) as I struggled to cope with most music when going out and people could not understand why I would be so erratic. It has also hindered my attempts to learn to play any instrument. When I was learning to play guitar I would just get so wound up I would want to punch a hole in the wall. My head would be spinning. It wasn't frustration from the difficulty of learning as I was picking it up quite fast. It was the sounds I was making with the instrument.
Even when simply watching YouTube videos, if they have music in the background I usually turn them off or use subtitles. In any games I play the first thing I do is turn of the soundtrack/in game radio. It feels like my emotional state can be hijacked at any moment as music could randomly be playing anywhere nowadays.
As a result I do not listen to music or I will just listen to classical as the impact is more of a euphoric sensation than frustration as with other genres. The technical prowess and expression of feeling in classical music blows me away.
As a side note, I also feel the need to emulate the people I see performing the music in the video. Not intentionally but sub consciously I feel I should be like that. I also feel like a failure because I cannot do what they can or be as socially successful. It makes me feel so lonely as well as I know I will never experience I lot of what these songs are about. Logically I know these thoughts are ridiculous but they plague me nonetheless and I suppose masking plays a big part in the need to emulate.
Anyway I don't want to ramble on anymore. It is just something that really bothers me and has a big impact on my life. I hope someone can relate.
Thanks