loneliness

Hi - I'm sorry to hear you're feeling lonely. What are your interests? Just wondering if there are any groups/clubs you could join.

Hello

I have experienced loneliness too and still do after moving closer to my sister. 

I lived away from family many years, I had close friends, but still felt lonely and cried at times. 

I tried dating sites, which I find are not for me. If I do end up talking to to someone and going on a date I end up overthinking or getting a bit anxious and backing off quickly or lose interest quickly.

I am 37 and loved to have a family, but I sometimes think it wasn't for me. 

I did eventually did something and started dance classes, which I seem to pick up quickly.

But since moving I haven't found any I liked yet and the loneliness sets in again. 

I found out this year I could be on the spectrum and it was hard to except at first, but things started the make sense and I slowly beginning to except who is am. 

That's why I came on here to meet people similar to me and understand myself more.

Hey, I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling with feelings of loneliness. I think this is a really common problem for people with autism, and I definitely go through this from time to time, and probably always will.

I didn’t get diagnosed until I was 30 and my time at university was really lonely. I had counselling at one point as I was self-harming and I remember telling them how lonely and isolated I felt, and the counsellor kept trying to encourage me to go to support group meetings or join a club/society and I didn’t want to but couldn’t explain why.

One of the biggest paradoxes of being autistic is that we find socialising to be stressful and exhausting, but we also find being isolated incredibly demoralising and lonely too. 

There’s probably no one-size-fits-all solution here, other than to try to find a balance that works for you. I draw quite a lot of companionship from forums like this one, where I can chat with people who understand me and with whom I have things in common, and without the physical drain of having interactions in person. I also spend weekends with my boyfriend and speak to my dad on the phone once a week, and all that coupled with email correspondence, TV and decent fiction novels, I can’t say I feel a particular absence of friends, but would absolutely love to have a cat one day. I’m also quite poorly at the moment so I’m not feeling particularly social, but I know that will change when my strength returns and I’ll find a dearth of friends.

Are there any online groups that you could follow or participate in more regularly to give you a sense of belonging and community? Or do you have a close family member or old friend that you could arrange to spend time with more regularly? Someone who understands the need for schedules and non-spontaneous outings would be ideal, and “spending time together” can be a phone call or Skype, even while watching a TV programme at the same time in different locations. Or how about finding a pen pal?

I think my biggest fear with having such a small social circle is, one day, it’s entirely possibly they’ll have passed away and I’ll be completely on my own, both lonely and vulnerable. It’s a risk I keep kicking down the road because I’m not sure how to deal with it to be honest. My brother has kids so I hope they’ll look on my kindly once they’re grown up and have their own families. Realistically, though, living with autism is hard and poses challenges in so many recognised and unrecognised areas of life; being lonely is one of the big challenges that most professionals don’t talk about, but we’re all here for you here. Xx