Not in a crisis, just worried and uncertain where to spend my money and focus my attention. A lot on my mind, it's not the end of the world but I feel a huge weight on my shoulders.
My anxiety is severe, I've put an advert on the local jobs page on Facebook for a care worker, I'm worried it's not achieved anything, no responses yet, already been lowered down the page by 7 following posts, all of which got a reply to them.
Could always try to get direct payments again through the council. Last time it was going to cost me I think somewhere around £600 a month which was almost all my benefits so I backed out of doing it. I don't feel it's necessarily worthwhile to get a care worker if it means I'm bound to live in poverty then.
Hence why I'm trying to find someone to work for me through their own self-employment. I assume a hairdresser or tradesperson could do it, if they're self-employed. It would just be another few hours to add on to their tax account, I assume? Shame then I've had no replies yet.
I feel quite concerned at the age of 32 that if I end up paying for a very expensive care package that it will be the final nail in the coffin of any hopes of economic gain for me. Already my dreams of going to university went up in smoke because I'm worried I wouldn't cope with it and can't face losing my benefits if it all goes wrong.
It's a weird position to be in when your anxiety is this severe. It feels like you can do almost nothing. Went to the supermarket at 5 this morning to shop while it was quiet and wanted to talk to some of the shop assistants stocking shelves as could see them make eye contact and with it being quiet would have felt less self-conscious than usual, but still felt overwhelmed, couldn't easily make eye contact, heart beating fast.
Just writing this down to stimulate my vagus nerve.