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My screaming child

Gaza69

I really having real problems coping with my screaming 6 year old child.i put ear defenders on most of day, but there are periods when they are uncomfortable for me.he is so loud. My sensory issues have got worse as ive got older, im aged 50 now, only recently diagnosed with moderate to severe asd. Any suggestions or experience of this type of thing. When the noise hits me i just want to not be here. I end up getting really angry at the same time, which is not good. Then my wife tells me off. I guess im feeling sorry for myself. Gazx

  • Hi Gaz,

    I‘m so sorry to hear you’re struggling at home at the moment. That really can’t be easy? I know how stressed and angry I feel every time my next door neighbour’s kids are running around screaming and squealing, but it must be so much more challenging when they’re actually yours.

    How much does your wife know and understand about your ASD diagnosis? I think it’s really important that she comes to understand how you are experiencing the world, and your sensory issues in particular. At the end of the day, you can’t help how it makes you feel and it’s not your fault. While I’m sure you both do everything you can for your son, you need her help and support too—especially if you’ve only recently been diagnosed—as you will have a lot to process there.

    This may be a more controversial suggestion, but is there a way to help your son learn about where and when it is appropriate to scream and where and when it isn’t? My niece had just turned 3 when her sister was born and she had to quickly learn to use her “little voice” for speaking when the baby was sleeping and how to play quietly. If your son doesn’t have any developmental issues, then perhaps it is a good time to help him start thinking about where and when he can use his “big voice” (e.g. school playground, at the park etc.) and where and when his “little voice” or normal speaking voice is sufficient and appropriate?

    I hope that if your wife can come to understand your needs and if your son can learn how to use his voice more sympathetically, then you may cope better on the odd occasion when the noise can’t be avoided (sometimes kids cry). In the short-term, it may also be helpful if you are able to go for a walk and get away from the noise so at least you have some respite, but I would definitely talk this through with your wife first and get her to agree to it as an interim coping strategy to help you stop feeling so angry. It’s a normal Aspie reaction to need a time-out when you get sensory overload so please don’t feel guilty about requesting it.

    Hope that helps a little? You really do have my full sympathy.

    Nessie