Published on 12, July, 2020
I have an image of myself as a version of ’The Terminator’ - I look like a regular human being, but under the ’skin-suit’ I’m a red-eyed robot made of chromed razor-blades and spikes… I wear the skin-suit to protect the people around me from the blades and spikes but I suffer the cuts they inflict on the inside. If I get knocked around and some of the skin-suit is damaged you may get a glimpse of the machine beneath and recoil in horror. In extremes, the whole skin-suit is lost and I’m revealed in my full hard, cold, glittering, dangerous ‘glory’... ...and as terrifying as that may be for others, there’s a sense of relief/freedom for me - no longer constrained by that skin-suit I wear for other’s protection and which is such a painful, exhausting effort to maintain…
First of all, I love your writing.
I agree - the skin-suit is definitely difficult to maintain. It's exhausting trying to hide who you really are every day.
Thanks!
I really struggle to verbalise things sometimes - writing doesn't trigger an emotional response in myself, it feels more 'detached' which allows me to 'polish' my thoughts.
I think being a very strongly visual-thinker also makes it harder to put my thoughts into words... it gets a bit 'stream of consciousness' and I feel my sight turns inward to the extent I literally don't 'see' my surroundings...