Art

Visual art has never really made me feel much. If its a painting of something I like, then chances are, I will like it but generally no more than an a photo or actually seeing that thing. I can certainly admire the work gone in to creating a piece of art but I really can't connect with it much at all.

Music though can really get to me. Maybe it's because I have played a traditional orchestral instrument since I was very young, I learnt to appreciate it more. 

Music is an essential way of coping with stress and anxiety for me, especially playing an instrument. It's the thing which most easily takes me into the "flow state" that Senor mentioned earlier in the thread. Any problems that I'm having dealing with the outside world just disappear from my mind; I'm not really aware that there's even such a thing as the "outside world" when I'm deeply immersed in playing. I don't perform any more because I just couldn't handle the social side of it, but I could never stand to be without my musical instruments.

Music is an essential way of coping with stress and anxiety for me, especially playing an instrument. It's the thing which most easily takes me into the "flow state" that Senor mentioned earlier in the thread. Any problems that I'm having dealing with the outside world just disappear from my mind; I'm not really aware that there's even such a thing as the "outside world" when I'm deeply immersed in playing. I don't perform any more because I just couldn't handle the social side of it, but I could never stand to be without my musical instruments.

I didn't have the desire to play in public either, really. A couple of other people that I used to play with have also said that they much preferred band practices and private jam session to gigs. I never involved myself with dealing with promoter's etc.; I always stuck to writing new material and just got in the van whenever I was told to.

Playing gigs outside our home town I found particularly intolerable. I only ever played in what's quite often called the "DIY" scene, so thankfully didn't have to deal with "music industry" behemoths, but it meant hours of being stuck in the back of van, and quite often finding out that you were going to be dossing on the promoter's living room floor - almost always where the post-gig partying would be going on until the early hours. It was too much time around rowdy strangers, and without any easy way to scurry back to my burrow if it all got too much.

Home gigs were a little easier, but still involved too much social time; always having to be first to arrive at the venue and last to leave, and they weren't exactly the kind of venues with a fancy "artists suite" to go and hide in! I get overwhelmed easily in pubs and clubs at the best of times, and attracting attention to myself by getting up on stage just meant even more interactions with strangers to deal with - I didn't relish having to talk to even the most enthusiastic of fans (it was probably fortunate that there weren't very many of those!)

After having a couple of very embarrassing mid-set melt-downs, I realised that I just couldn't keep doing it. People often assume that my introvert ways mean that I must have suffered problems with stage-fright. I did a little bit, but it was nothing compared to my "off-stage fright"!

I ran a small PA hire for a while, but gave up. As a non-musician, I found I couldn't handle musician politics. I'm talking about individual musicians, rather than the music business. But I suppose you are bound to get that when everything hinges on one's latest performance. And me, I do not have a desperate desire to perform in public. I'm one of those people who prefer to work behind closed doors.

Now the musician who was recently talking to me about flow state is known to be heavily critical of the music industry. He achieved some accolade in his early career, but now refers to run his own shop. I have seen some pretty shoddy business practice in my time, but undoubtedly the music business is every bit as scuzzy as they come. I very much appreciate those musicians who decide to take back their own career from the promoters and media companies.