Published on 12, July, 2020
I’ve had problems for years with just zoning out or completely shutting down. I don’t know what causes it sometimes, it’s like if I sit still everything shuts down and I either completely go to sleep or it’s like I’m asleep with my eyes being shut but I can hear things, but I just can’t respond or even move. Does anyone else get this? I was told it’s a response to being constantly overwhelmed and my body needing to rest from it all.
Other times, like the three days annual leave I’ve had this week, i zone out for hours in a similar way, it’s very unproductive but it’s like I can’t fight it. I had plans this week for my three days off but spent most of each day just lying still as if asleep but without being asleep. Just zoned out and completely still. I go back to work today and despite all this I feel completely exhausted.
does anyone else get this? I read that it’s common for people with autism to be tired all the time.
When I was younger and trying very hard to fit in, I would go to a party or the pub, and after a while I would freeze and zone out. I don't tend to socialise much now but it occasionally happens even when talking to one person. My mind goes blank and I just want to lie down. As a teenager, I would get home from school, put a CD on repeat, turn off the lights and light some candles, and lie in bed for 4 hours. Every day. There was just too much to process.
I've always assumed I'm just lazy.
As an adult I especially have to do it after a phone call (really bad with those) or dealing with a workman in the house. It's like every bit of my energy is sapped.
Fraiselongue said:When I was younger and trying very hard to fit in, I would go to a party or the pub, and after a while I would freeze and zone out
I used to let the pressure to perform lead me there when I was younger too (not to mention stupidly thinking that drinking more booze might be the solution.) I used to let people believe that I'd just drunk too much and blacked out, which was believable enough to most people who knew my reputation as a boozer - though one or two people did notice that I was more like a shop mannequin than the usual sack of spuds that a drunkard would be like.
The worst/strangest part of this was that I actually felt like this was an improvement at the time. When I first started going out socialising under my own steam, I would have melt-downs where I'd run off into the night and sometimes wake up the next morning out in the open miles away (my "autopilot" always led me to a green space). Realising that I could force a shut-down rather than a melt-down if I concentrated very hard seemed like a godsend back then. Even knowing what I know now, I haven't the faintest idea how I explained any of these behaviours to myself at the time (I think I was probably too afraid of what the answer might be.)
I was very lucky with the post-school flopping in retrospect. It was always tolerated by my Mum, who we realised at my assessment shares many of my traits (including the chronic insomnia, which was always our explanation for it.) I'm thankful that I didn't have family putting pressure on me at those times, it probably saved me from many more shut-downs and melt-downs.
I've never drunk alcohol (aside from trying it a few times and hating it) as I know how easily I get addicted. I used to think it might have helped me in social situations but reading this I'm glad I didn't!
During my assessment we realised my Mum probably has autism too. She actually answered yes to most of the things I said no to. I wonder whether that's why she never saw me as odd!
My son's diagnosis at the age of 11 came as a total shock, and with it I realized that I share a lot of the experiences of people on the spectrum. My son reminds me very very much of my brother and my father always had social anxiety issues and a love of precision. I respect truthfulness, I do not relate to a need to conform which I have always understood as a reason behind a lot of suffering. I have always treasured quiet time as a vital need as my parents did.
That's so funny, I was always compared to my uncle too. I don't think he is autistic but he has over the years suffered with agoraphobia, anxiety, loves techy stuff, very clever etc. During the assessment I said "do you think I've just learned to be like this?" but from what my Mum says, the traits were clear very early. Psychologists thought it may have even protected me from too much stress when little as everything had a routine and we rarely socialised. Impossible to say though.
Fraiselongue said:I've never drunk alcohol (aside from trying it a few times and hating it) as I know how easily I get addicted. I used to think it might have helped me in social situations but reading this I'm glad
My stubbornness when I think I've hit on a solution to something, and my tendency to get stuck in behavioural ruts, certainly played their part; especially at the time when I'd just left home for University, and found myself suddenly way out of my depth socially when I'd barely learned to cope with school life. The excesses that I went to with alcohol, and the events that it sometimes led to, absolutely horrify me now. When the circumstances are right, I do drink socially now and then and enjoy it, but I am very strict with my rules about keeping a dry home etc.(turning that stubbornness to my advantage!)
Fraiselongue said:I wonder whether that's why she never saw me as odd!
I think that's very much the case in my family. I'm even more similar to my Uncle, Mum's younger brother. Throughout my childhood she often remarked how similar I was to him when he'd been the same age (she'd even call me by his name sometimes if she was flustered!) He was as reclusive as I am now, so I didn't spend enough time around him to have so precisely copied all of the personal quirks that we have in common (we got on great when I did see him though!) I'm rather fascinated by the idea that there could be a kind of "autistic cultural transmission" down the generations besides the genetic one.