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The Friends Contradiction

I'm done with Christmas Cards

Another contradiction that I'm battling with:

I'm 95% deliriously happy to realise that I've never understood friendship, don't particularly need friends, love solitude & peace & quiet, & I'm relieved that people are leaving me alone, especially at work. But 5% of me feels that I'm now in solitary confinement and that this can't be a good thing in excess - but as soon as I meet someone I wish I hadn't and can feel the exhaustion building.

I was asked in my ADOS if I ever get lonely & I said no, but sometimes I thing that asking me if I ever get lonely is like asking a fish if it ever gets tired wings; the apparatus for processing the question simply isn't there.

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  • I only have a handful of close friends and I see them infrequently - but I've known them for decades.    I suspect they are all undiagnosed aspies like me.   They're all nerds and techies so we have lots to talk about.

    I do Meetup.com for general superficial socialising - just to get out of the house and to keep myself sane/balanced to stop myself retreating into solitary hermit-mode.   None of these people are nerdy like me so they will never get to proceed to the inner-circle of close friends.

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  • I only have a handful of close friends and I see them infrequently - but I've known them for decades.    I suspect they are all undiagnosed aspies like me.   They're all nerds and techies so we have lots to talk about.

    I do Meetup.com for general superficial socialising - just to get out of the house and to keep myself sane/balanced to stop myself retreating into solitary hermit-mode.   None of these people are nerdy like me so they will never get to proceed to the inner-circle of close friends.

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