Tension around husband’s rigid schedules

Hi, my husband is ASD. We’re experiencing quite a lot of relationship tension with regards to our young children (age 2 &4) around his routines/rigid scheduling. I understand his need for sticking very closely to schedules (eg for him the kids’ dinner must be at a certain time and if it’s a bit late he gets very stressed even if the kids are fine etc). What I struggle with is that he will start to speak rudely to me when he gets stressed about keeping things on schedule. For example he likes one or both of us to get my son out of the house early in the morning, as my son is energetic and can get antsy. I was gathering my sons’ things to take him out and my husband shouted ‘Just get out of the house!’ because he felt I was being too slow/off schedule. I find this quite stressful and upsetting and would really welcome some ideas on how to work on this kind of thing together. We’re both very committed to our family and each other and it would be great if we could reduce the tension levels as they are currently pretty high. Thanks.

  • hm, feels like my family. Basically he needs to just learn to be a bit more flexible and les impatient. Yes you have roitines, broadly speaking everyone has to work to some sort of routine but a schedule is not a be all end all.

    a certain time +/- some allowance is a very scientific approach.

    Is he getting any support?