A few weeks ago, I got a letter telling me I had to attend a PIP interview in a city 18 miles away. I prepared myself. Making lists of things I needed to take with me, looking on google maps to familiarise myself with the place, the surroundings, where I could park (I have physical disabilities too). A day before the interview, they phoned to cancel it.
As an autistic person I can't cope with change and get very upset.
When I filled in the forms, I told them I was on the spectrum, described how change really upset me and my doctor sent a letter too.In the letter, my doctor had said that I'd attempted suicide twice in my life.
I heard nothing for a week, then another appointment was made, this time for my local town, I explained that due to my strict routines, I would be unable attend in the morning and they scheduled an afternoon appointment. Once again, the day before, I planned, wrote lists, mentally prepared myself for going out in the afternoon (I don't like leaving the house much) Looked on google maps to make sure I knew where I was going, put the tape recorders, tapes, paperwork and everything else, into a bag, and that afternoon, once again they cancelled.
So On Friday last, they phoned out of the blue and said there was an appointment for this afternoon. It was short notice. I'm happier if I can work up to is, but I want this out of the way. It's like a cloud hanging over me. Yesterday I checked and double checked the bag with the 2 tape recorders (I trust nobody), new batteries, new tapes, paperwork. Last night, as usual, I was so stressed I couldn't sleep, then, this morning, 5 hours before I was due to have the assessment, they rang to cancel the appointment, whereupon I immediately had a full on screaming, crying, vomiting meltdown.
I admit I accused them of trying to get people like me to kill ourselves, that Capita had caused the deaths of thousands, that I couldn't take any more, then put the phone down.
3 appointments made, and each one cancelled the day before the assessment. If this isn't a deliberate act of mental cruelty to someone on the autism spectrum I don't know what is.
Then, half an hour later, just as I was starting to calm down, an ambulance pulls up outside, 2 strangers rang the bell and upset my dogs, and there I went again. Complete screaming abusive meltdown. I *know* they were doing their jobs, but *why* is *nobody* taking any notice of the fact that I have told them several times that I cannot cope with change and people turning up unexpectedly?
Besides which, if I *choose* to take my life, and make a proper job of it, how *dare* they send people to stop me?
So here I am, 3 appointments made, me getting stressed before each one, but steeling myself to leave the house and go to a strange place and speak to strangers, and 3 times, they cancel either the day before, or the same day.
I'm afraid I just don't believe that this isn't deliberate.
And no, I won't have a home visit. My home is the only 'pure' safe space I have and am in complete control of, and, thanks to my mastiff, no strangers get inside the gates.
As far as I'm concerned, this is deliberate torture. I'll bet they are very disappointed that the 2 ambulance people *didn't* find me deceased in a pool of blood .
My late mother was German born. During the rise of Hitler, she was a young school girl. She used to tell me of how her best friend, a disabled girl, one day simply didn't show up and school and speculation was discouraged. My grandmother told her that they came for the girl and just took her away.
Then there was a neighbour on the 3rd floor of the flats with a Downs syndrome son, and one night they were woken by screams from upstairs. My Grandmother wouldn't let anyone open the door onto the landing to see what was going on because it was the Mother's screams as her son was taken in the night.
(She later hanged herself).
This government has waged subtle war on disabled people. At least the Gestapo did it openly.
