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Capita playing with me

NAS63666

A few weeks ago, I got a letter telling me I had to attend a PIP interview in a city 18 miles away. I prepared myself. Making lists of things I needed to take with me, looking on google maps to familiarise myself with the place, the surroundings, where I could park (I have physical disabilities too). A day before the interview, they phoned to cancel it. 
As an autistic person I can't cope with change and get very upset.
When I filled in the forms, I told them I was on the spectrum, described how change really upset me and my doctor sent a letter too.In the letter, my doctor had said that I'd attempted suicide twice in my life.

I heard nothing for a week, then another appointment was made, this time for my local town, I explained that due to my strict routines, I would be unable attend in the morning and they scheduled an afternoon appointment. Once again, the day before, I planned, wrote lists, mentally prepared myself for going out in the afternoon (I don't like leaving the house much) Looked on google maps to make sure I knew where I was going, put the tape recorders, tapes, paperwork and everything else, into a bag, and that afternoon, once again they cancelled.


So On Friday last, they phoned out of the blue and said there was an appointment for this afternoon. It was short notice. I'm happier if I can work up to is, but I want this out of the way. It's like a cloud hanging over me. Yesterday I checked and double checked the bag with the 2 tape recorders (I trust nobody), new batteries, new tapes, paperwork. Last night, as usual, I was so stressed I couldn't sleep, then, this morning, 5 hours before I was due to have the assessment, they rang to cancel the appointment, whereupon I immediately had a full on screaming, crying, vomiting meltdown. 
I admit I accused them of trying to get people like me to kill ourselves, that Capita had caused the deaths of thousands, that I couldn't take any more, then put the phone down.

3 appointments made, and each one cancelled the day before the assessment. If this isn't a deliberate act of mental cruelty to someone on the autism spectrum I don't know what is.

Then, half an hour later, just as I was starting to calm down, an ambulance pulls up outside, 2 strangers rang the bell and upset my dogs, and there I went again. Complete screaming abusive meltdown. I *know* they were doing their jobs, but *why* is *nobody* taking any notice of the fact that I have told them several times that I cannot cope with change and people turning up unexpectedly?

Besides which, if I *choose* to take my life, and make a proper job of it, how *dare* they send people to stop me?

So here I am, 3 appointments made, me getting stressed before each one, but steeling myself to leave the house and go to a strange place and speak to strangers, and 3 times, they cancel either the day before, or the same day.

I'm afraid I just don't believe that this isn't deliberate. 

And no, I won't have a home visit. My home is the only 'pure' safe space I have and am in complete control of, and, thanks to my mastiff, no strangers get inside the gates.

As far as I'm concerned, this is deliberate torture. I'll bet they are very disappointed that the 2 ambulance people *didn't* find me deceased in a pool of blood .

My late mother was German born. During the rise of Hitler, she was a young school girl. She used to tell me of how her best friend, a disabled girl, one day simply didn't show up and school and speculation was discouraged. My grandmother told her that they came for the girl and just took her away.
Then there was a neighbour on the 3rd floor of the flats with a Downs syndrome son, and one night they were woken by screams from upstairs. My Grandmother wouldn't let anyone open the door onto the landing to see what was going on because it was the Mother's screams as her son was taken in the night.
(She later hanged herself).

This government has waged subtle war on disabled people. At least the Gestapo did it openly.

Parents

  • To be honest, I cannot work out what people who are not working nor severely physically disabled spend their PIP money on. I know several will get annoyed at me, but to be honest the money isn’t worth the stress and hassle for me. I would rather budget and economise. I am not in need of buying in care, transport and disability aids, which it is meant to be used for. If it makes me suicidal fighting the system, well sod them. I will just manage on less. I will not slit my wrists etc just for financial gain. 

    If it’s that upsetting, find a different way around it. 

    In this day and age loads of working people use food banks. Nobody is exempt from hardship or the threat of it. Some don’t have a home at all. So if PIP is that traumatic, it plainly is not worth it. Not unless you need it for severe physical disability (my friend had a severely incapacitating stroke for instance) or to help you keep in work. 

    Now shoot me down. 

  • in reply to Justanothernobody

    Budget and economise with no income? What we spend our money on? Oh you know, fripperies like electricity, heating in winter, food, clothing, transport, insurance, mortgages.
    Luckily there's not enough spare to buy copies of the Mail/Express/Sun such as you obviously read.
    PIP stands for Personal Independence Payment. It enables people to live independently. For example, owning a car, vital as a 'safe place' if you suffer panic attacks, or get overwhelmed and need to get away from sensory overload rapidly.
    I suspect you are not autistic, not disabled at all, and are probably a troll.

  • in reply to NAS63666

    I am autistic. I have minor physical disability. I use buses. As I admitted to Robert, I am blessed with social housing 1 bed flat. I am ugly as a troll, but assure you I am human. Sorry if I am too blunt, but I am genuinely puzzled. 

  • in reply to Justanothernobody

    I too was homeless once. Luckily I am devious, cautious and inventive. I bought a cheap caravan and persuaded a farmer to let me stick it in his field and live in it. Then I persuaded a builder to let me rent the house he'd just renovated while he tried to sell it. Decades worth of plotting and persuading means I now own a little hovel, but it's mine and *I* choose who comes to call. I don't like people. 

  • in reply to Justanothernobody

    I guess only understanding one's *own* situation and being blind to others is part of the curse of living with autism.
    You *are* blessed if you have secure social housing. I don't. I have my own place. I tried renting once and couldn't cope with the fact that someone else was able to dictate my life and control me.
    I also happen to live very very rural, which again, I need as I crave seclusion. But that also means there is no public transport. I'm not even sure I could cope with public transport and having to be close to a load of strangers, with no means of escape from loud noise, talking, kids yelling ect.
    Frankly, if the entire world's population disappeared overnight, I would feel nothing but a sense of relief.

  • in reply to Justanothernobody

    And I use ear plugs, headphones and hope each day goes well. I was homeless in the past, so I count my blessings. 

Reply Children
  • in reply to Justanothernobody

    I too was homeless once. Luckily I am devious, cautious and inventive. I bought a cheap caravan and persuaded a farmer to let me stick it in his field and live in it. Then I persuaded a builder to let me rent the house he'd just renovated while he tried to sell it. Decades worth of plotting and persuading means I now own a little hovel, but it's mine and *I* choose who comes to call. I don't like people.