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Explain what was perceived as the Common Consensus.

NAS63616

My partner has Aspergers, I do not. Something I find frustrating about them is having to explain what I believe to be easily assumed or what I have already explained.

Example 1: My partner has asked me where the line is drawn for what is unfaithful behaviour, which is sweet, but they want me to explain the reasons why a compliment is okay, but a kiss is not, and give examples.

Example 2: I don't post pictures of them on social media and they have asked me if I'm ashamed of them. I have pointed out that I post close to nothing let alone themself on social as I'm a private/reserved person...yet I get asked the same question again and they worry about me being "ashamed" when that is untrue.

My partner has previously been mal-treated which i believe heightens their self-doubt on knowing what our common consensus is as a couple. 

Has anyone else faced this challenge? How can I provide an answer which helps to cement their understanding and to not have to explain the same things over and over again?

  • Explaining the same things over and over again is unfortunately something I imagine you'll have to do regardless of what you say to them 

  • Example 1. Its hard to explain but can be understood in the context of how it would make your partner feel if they saw you kissing someone else. If they don't like it you can explain that it makes the other partner feel bad. Or watch TV. As bad as it is watching sitcoms are a great tool for observing cultural and relationship devices, perhaps in the broadest sense. 

    Example 2. Lighten up. I have been married for over 20 years and compromise is the name of the game. I think social media is inherently evil and exploitative and reductive of crucial human interaction. I will still pose for a selfie on the beach with my wife because it makes her happy. trade-offs.

    there was a time that my wife grew visible frustrated at having to repeat instructions for things and remind me of dates but eventually she understood that frustration goes both ways. Anything computer or online related is poorly understood despite me calmly explaining things for a few decades and requires multiple answers to identical questions. Anything regarding logistics (we camp a lot) or any task that requires a basic understanding of science also requires repeated explanation and demonstration. I tend to, and plan to always, take these moments to remember why I love her and then I really don't mind at all.