What have you achieved from getting diagnosed?

You're being hard on yourself - it takes time to measure if there are any changes.   The fact that you're out socialising with similar people is brightening up the lives of others who might not have many other friends - a worthy use of your time.

I've been diagnosed for over a decade - I would say I am a much better person when compared to who I was.    I know that I have a load of unhelpful programming code built into me that will - if I let it - get me into trouble and cause no end of stress for me.    I understand that I can get frustrated by NTs so that knowledge allows me to build in more allowances for people and to be less harsh on myself.

Knowing that stress is bad for me, I can arrange my life to reduce stress and I know when I will likely be in a vulnerable position so I can take steps to get support when needed and find ways of doing things differently.

I also am able to separate my strengths out of the mix so I can concentrate on doing good things and not wasting my time attempting things that I will fail at, regardless of knowledge.

I cannot do phone calls so it's easier to sub that chore out to the wife leaving me to concentrate on solving all the big issues like building a house.   I'm good at some things and terrible at others and, because my wife is a people-person, she does all my interfacing with the difficult bits of my world for me.

You've got lots of time to look at what you're doing - and want to do - but self-flagellation is a common autie trait.

Thanks! I don't feel down or anything, more just a bit kind of questioning what I'm supposed to do next? Wondering what the next part of the Journey is? Of course I feel good that I'm able to build links with other autistic people, especially in the group that I run, I 'know' that it makes a difference to them and being able to spend time with other autistic people is mutually beneficial. What always strikes me is how very 'normal' it is, just a group of women meeting up and chatting over a cup of tea/coffee. It's just that the conversation is on the autistic level. We talk too much; interrupt each other; talk at each other; talk over each other. But it works because we're all doing the same thing. There's actually something quite powerful about my group, getting people together, that have previously felt misunderstood and not known where they belong throughout their lives, into a group where they can feel at ease and understood. Actually I think I'm a bit overwhelmed because I've suddenly had loads of new group members the past month or so, the groups got quite busy of late. The vision has become a reality, which is good, but also a little scary!

I guess I'm starting to fully realise how I process information about people and the world. How I take in what I can see or what someone is saying, I think about it for a while and decide what if any response is necessary. I don't quite know how to explain it but I kind of take in the raw data and search through a number of potential matches in my data store that could potentially explain the situation or why someone is saying a certain thing, before picking the most probable answer based on all available information. I'm realising how emotionless I am while I'm doing that too! 

I realise that stress is bad for me too and will try to reduce it where possible. I like to live a busy life but I tend to stick to things that don't require a huge amount of mental effort; things that are enjoyable! NTs have a bad habit of behaving in ways that just do not make sense to an autistic brain! That said, I'm sure that we do plenty of things that make no sense to them either!

Separating strengths is a good topic. There are many positive strengths to Autism/Aspergers BUT this is where I struggle. In my mind, the brain injury that I had has eradicated all of the positive aspects and strengths that I did have as a result of having ASD, and made a lot of the negative traits a lot worse! 

I HATE phone calls! Luckily my friends know this so will text instead. Sometimes I 'have' to do phone calls with regards work etc but I avoid them where possible. You have a good point about delegating tasks to the person who is best suited to the task. I'm presently trying to get a bit more organisation and structure around the monthly/weekly shopping, my husband is useless at it!

Yes I'm a bit prone to 'beating myself up' about things, though I do try not to!

Kitsune said:

We talk too much; interrupt each other; talk at each other; talk over each other. But it works because we're all doing the same thing.

Brilliant! Sounds wonderful :-).

And I could have written, from my own experience, the last five paragraphs of your post containing that quote. In other words "snap" / "same". :-) Apart from the bit about the brain injury of course.

Here's another thought; getting a diagnosis doesn't fix you, but it does illuminate and validate you. According to some folklore, knowing the name of someone gives you power over them, so perhaps knowing the name of our condition gives us power over it. I like to think so - or perhaps we now know the names of our true selves, and have power to channel ourselves to an even higher level of potential (note - I'm sipping vodka so may talk rubbish!).

There's A LOT of research suggesting a higher prevalence of alcohol or substance (mis) use and addiction in autistic individuals. As well as self medicating stress and anxiety, many use it as a crutch in social situations, so they can loosen up and be more chatty and less awkward. My tolerance to alcohol is rubbish, I also have no ability to 'stop' once I start drinking so will usually carry on until I fall asleep! Apparently I go from appearing totally normal and being coherent to really obviously drunk extremely quickly!

Yes exactly, this forum is brilliant for that. Autism and alcohol is another subject worthy of research - apart from the (ab)use of alcohol to self-medicate the stress of undiagnosed autism, I wonder if there's a difference in how we react to it - I seem to be able to carry on making sense long after I should have become incoherent :-)

Yes exactly, this forum is brilliant for that. Autism and alcohol is another subject worthy of research - apart from the (ab)use of alcohol to self-medicate the stress of undiagnosed autism, I wonder if there's a difference in how we react to it - I seem to be able to carry on making sense long after I should have become incoherent :-)

There's A LOT of research suggesting a higher prevalence of alcohol or substance (mis) use and addiction in autistic individuals. As well as self medicating stress and anxiety, many use it as a crutch in social situations, so they can loosen up and be more chatty and less awkward. My tolerance to alcohol is rubbish, I also have no ability to 'stop' once I start drinking so will usually carry on until I fall asleep! Apparently I go from appearing totally normal and being coherent to really obviously drunk extremely quickly!