Published on 12, July, 2020
I am an adult woman with a (recent) diagnosis of Aspergers syndrome and I have been experiencing as a direct result of my diagnosis what I can only describe as meltdowns. They aren't 'angry' meltdowns - I mean - I do feel angry when I have them but I don't act in an aggressive way or break things, I just cry uncontrollably for a bit. It has occurred to me that actually, I have experienced these before as well, under other circumstances, usually alone, but it didn't really occur to me that this is not something that happens to everybody. I put it down to depression and personality - which to be fair I guess in a way is true - but now I'm starting to realise that it is probably connected to being on the spectrum.
I would like to understand more about this and I have tried to find information online, but it seems to be largely geared towards parents of autistic children and carers of more affected autistic people. What I would like is some resources to help me manage this behaviour in myself as it impacts my mental health and also to a degree my relationships with others. Does anybody know any good books that cover this? I am particularly interested in the way autism manifests in women, so if there is anything you can recommend on that subject I would be very grateful.
Or does anybody have any advice - for instance is this likely to be a direct result of my autism or could it be another mh condition? I don't really meet enough criteria for anything 'interesting' (and I have done extensive research) but I definitely have anxiety and depression.
Hang on... it just occurred to me that what I'm describing might just be better described as crying. Lol. Well anyway, any advice is appreciated.
It's interesting to read about your experience because I've had these kind of meltdowns where you break down in uncontrollable tears for most of my life and only very recently realised they could be related to autism (I'm also a woman who's recently been diagnosed in my 20s).
The best information I've found on it so far is this: https://www.autismwestmidlands.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/Meltdown_shutdown.pdf The site actually has quite a few different information leaflets that are aimed at adults with the diagnosis and their friends and families (I totally hear your frustration about most of the resources out there being for children/teens and their parents as well, as I've found the same in my searches).
Thank you. I appreciate that. Weirdly I seem to find that sometimes these regional NHS departments seem to have better information than the main NHS website. I was totally baffled by the fact that the NHS website says that Aspergers isn't a diagnosis that is given anymore when it says it right on my report and when I googled it found that the ICD10 is the most commonly used manual and it is on there. I digress. What I meant to say there was thank you! I'm in my 30s and I had honestly never suspected that I was on the spectrum despite puzzling for several years over which mental health diagnosis most fit me (a cross between BPD and OCD without ever meeting enough criteria for either) so this is all a lot to take in! I'm still not entirely sure what autism means, whether I'm really masking even though it feels natural and which bits of me are me!
Yes I agree, some of the regional ones are really useful! And there does seem to be NHS support in some regions too, but not in mine which is frustrating. Aspergers disappears in the ICD11 I think (which follows the American DSM-5 that I was diagnosed with and which the NHS also use), so if your diagnosis was pre-2018 then that will be why it's Aspergers. I was told that it's fine to use whatever term you're comfortable with anyway (I think I would identify with Aspergers even though my diagnosis is technically ASD). Funnily enough I was diagnosed with BPD about 5 years ago, but now feel this is inaccurate and that it's been autism all along. There are quite a lot of overlapping symptoms and I think they can present very similarly, particularly in women.
Wow that is ridiculous. Why didn't they refer you? That seems so cruel to diagnose you with it and not offer you any appropriate treatment. Did you not get offered anything with the ASD diagnosis? I got offered support groups for newly diagnosed adults which I initially scoffed at but think I will take up now as I am struggling to cope and something is better than nothing. It is so hard to adjust to the idea that rather than having a mental illness that can be treated and 'fixed' there is something that is wrong with me... but isn't wrong with me as well. Something that is in part a disability but in part something fundamental to who I am as a person the characteristics of which I take pride in. But either way, it can't be fixed and the anxiety that comes with it is likely to be permanent. That's a bitter pill to swallow.