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Becoming more stressed about realising I may have autism

Doodles14

Hi ,

‘I posted a couple of weeks ago now that I suspect i may have autism at some degree. I started to write down all my traits and difficulties in life and spoke to my Husband about what I am like and what he thinks of my eccentric ways.

It has really made me pay attention to the things I do, particularly habits to self soothe. I’ve also noticed my intolerance of lots of different sounds at once and my anxiety when having to socialise. 

I will fully tried to fight all off these thinking maybe it was mind over matter and I could just try and not be bothered. But I could not and felt very frustrated.

i keep flipping from wanting an assessment referral to telling myself I’m just different I don’t need to find out it’s fine. But so many things in life are a struggle and are hard that I think it would be better to know once and for all and to then be able to manage better and tell people I have this when I’m pushed to do things that will really make me have a major amount of worry and dread.

One thing that sticks in my mind was I recently offered to volunteer at a school specifically to do art projects and display work.

i was contacted by the head and asked if I’d be a lunchtime supervisor 3 days a week instead, I explained I’d like to volunteer but be more in the background as I’m introverted but I was then given the cold shoulder after that which deeply upset me because I feel misunderstood yet again and she doesn’t understand what my problem would be when I wanted to help out.

Situations like this I’d love to say actually I am not weird there’s a real reason why I couldn’t cope with that.

There have been so many times I’ve felt misunderstood then frozen out because I won’t do things that seem no big deal to others

I am rambling sorry, I am going to go ahead with seeing my GP with my Husband 

I am feeling tearful and having bad dreams now and I think it’s the realisation that all my ways and coping mechanisms are all traits, the more I watch and read the more I feel is all exactly the same for me. 

I guess before I would think one day I’ll be able to break through the barriers and be normal and it’ll all fall into place. 

Parents

  • It is a MASSIVE process. Or it isn't for some people. But it was for me. It still is - I am still struggling to come to terms with my diagnosis which has come at a point in my life where I was just starting to feel well adjusted and normal. I don't blame you for feeling tearful and having bad dreams. I couldn't sleep for about 2 weeks after my assessment replaying every word I said or that was said to me. But there is another side and you will come out of it. Don't forget, you don't have to get a diagnosis if you don't want one. 

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  • It is a MASSIVE process. Or it isn't for some people. But it was for me. It still is - I am still struggling to come to terms with my diagnosis which has come at a point in my life where I was just starting to feel well adjusted and normal. I don't blame you for feeling tearful and having bad dreams. I couldn't sleep for about 2 weeks after my assessment replaying every word I said or that was said to me. But there is another side and you will come out of it. Don't forget, you don't have to get a diagnosis if you don't want one. 

Children
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